Promising Revenge
by ImagineRie
Summary: I made a deal with the FBI. They were going to train me to go undercover. I was going join Vince's gang, and bring the whole operation down. What I never expected was falling in love with one of the members of the gang. So this is how it starts. My promise for revenge. AN: This story was originally by ForeverAndAlways37 she has let me take over, starting at chapter three. Enjoy :)
1. Chapter 1

**I so hope that you guy's enjoy where I take this story, I really want to do my best for ForeverAndAlways37. It means a lot that she trusted me to take her story further. Well, here it goes. Oh wait, I don't own Degrassi or the song Stay by Mayday Parade. You should totally check the song out though. A reminder again that you can read the first two chapters written by** **ForeverAndAlways37 on her profile.** **(:**

A year of training, dedication, and complete concentration has brought me to this moment. I was completely transformed, not only physically, but mentally. I looked at everything differently, with more caution and knowledge than I ever thought possible. Matt had trained me to think like a machine, not an irrational teenager. Today was the day I was to enroll back into Degrassi to take down Vince once and for all, for taking everything from me, the only thing that mattered to me. My brother. Walking up the steps of Degrassi felt like a dream, I had been away for so long I had forgotten I used to actually attend High School here, like a normal teenage girl. I wasn't normal though, not anymore, I was a member of the FBI and I was back in school to take down Vince and his gang. The school officials were aware that an FBI investigation was going on, and I had full permission to do whatever it took to take Vince down, the school board wanted the gang out of Degrassi as much as anyone. I walked into the school and the bell rang, students were scrambling to their classes, I hardly recognized any of them anymore. They probably wouldn't recognize me either, my hair was now wavy down to my lower back and I had lost a significant amount of wait. I had been trained to play the part of the girl who wanted to join the gang, so I also had to dress differently. I wore a black long sleeve sweater with black skinny jeans and converse. My makeup was a bit heavier, and my nails were painted black as well. The first have of the day had been uneventful, I hadn't spotted Vince once. My last class before lunch was theater, and as I entered the auditorium I couldn't help but think how differently I would have looked at this class a year ago. I would have been dying to be a writer for one of the plays, my mission would have been to make them a success, but now my mission was a complete different kind of beast. Everyone was running around painting and building things, I had come in the middle of the year so everyone was already settled in their positions.

"Clare!" I turned around to see the theater teacher, Mr. Linon. He had a huge smile on his face and the same huge circle glasses sitting on the tip of his nose.

"Hello Mr. Linon, how are you?"

"Me? Great now that you're here! I was so worried you had dropped out for good, I'm so glad you came back to finish your education Ms. Edwards. I know it must be hard coming back since all your friends have graduated and moved on, but I'm sure you will make many great and new friends. And by the way loving the new look, almost didn't recognize you!" He was still as flamboyant as ever.

"Thank you. I'm sure I will, what is on the agenda for today?" I had to act as normal as possible so teachers wouldn't become suspicious, I had to pretend I was here to attend school like every other student.

"You came on a very eventful day, it's audition day. I haven't picked my lead role yet, and it's a musical so I must hear everyone sing." Translation I came on the worst day, Mr. Linon was one of those teachers who forced you out of your comfort zone by threatening your grades if you didn't participate in everything he wanted.

Mr. Linon clapped his hands together and announced the news to everyone, he had us sit down on the floor and one by one he called us up to sing. I was terrified to sing in front of anyone, especially since I had no interest in being in a play, it would only become a distraction. I kept thinking of how I could get out of this when my eyes averted to the boy sitting in a chair in front of the stage. He was writing notes down after every person sang, he was intensely focused. He had black hair that sat right above his green eyes and he wore a black band t-shirt with skinny jeans. I noticed I had been staring and quickly looked away, I should be thinking about my next move to get in contact with Vince, nothing else but that. My mind began racing, wondering who in the room could be connected to Vince, or where he would be. In my deep thought I felt a tap on my shoulder it was the boy who had been sitting in the chair.

"You're up."

I looked up at him startled, "What?"

"Your turn to sing, you're the only one who hasn't. I'm Eli, the director. Whenever you're ready, it can be whatever you want to sing, just get up there before the end of the day, please" He was trying to be polite, but I could see the annoyance in his eyes.

I blinked a few times and looked around at everyone staring at me, I wasn't here to sing, this was just wasting time. I had to do it though, I couldn't blow my cover, I was just normal Clare Edwards, coming back to finish High School. I quickly walked on stage trying to think of what to sing, and then it hit me. Stay, by Mayday Parade. When Alex died I played it repeatedly on his piano. He loved the piano, and he had taught me how to play at a young age. It was the only song I knew the words to well enough to sing.

"Is there a piano? I mean, obviously there is, but can I use it?" Mr. Linon and Eli nodded and I rolled the piano over to the middle of the stage, taking a deep breath before sitting down. When I put my fingers to the keys I felt like I was right back in the same place I was in when Alex died. I felt vulnerable and alone, like if I didn't play I'd explode. I brought the mic closer to my lips, and began to play.

 _I need some time just deliver the things that I need for now_  
 _Everything that I feel's like a warm deep calm casting over me_  
 _And it's taking me to somewhere new_

 _If you believe that everything's alright_  
 _You won't be all alone tonight_  
 _And I'd be blessed by the light of your company,_  
 _Slowly lifting me to somewhere new_

 _Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well_  
 _Since the last time that we spoke, you said_  
 _"Please understand if I see you again don't even say hello."_

 _Please_

 _What a night it is, when you live like this_  
 _And you're coming up beneath the clouds,_  
 _Don't let me down_  
 _All the love's still there I just don't know what to do with it now_  
 _You know, I still can't believe we both did some things_  
 _I don't even wanna think about_  
 _Just say you love me and I'll say "I'm sorry,_  
 _I don't want anybody else to feel this way"_  
 _No, no, no_

 _Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well_  
 _Since the last time that we spoke, I said_  
 _"Please understand I've been drinking again, and all I do is hope"_

 _Please... stay_  
 _Please stay_

I couldn't go on any further, I stoped playing. If I had gone on I would of cried, that was my song to him, my song to my brother. I wasn't his baby sister anymore, I was a robot built to do harm. I wasn't the same without him. Singing that song out loud was the first time I had felt any real emotion since his death, besides hate.

"Clare it's ok, we don't need to hear anymore anyways. Eli, I think we've found our leading lady, don't you?" Mr. Linon smiled.

Eli smirked, "I do."

I shook my head about to protest, I hadn't wanted to actually get the part, but the bell rang before I could say anything. The students shuffled out, and I ran to the spot I had been sitting at to grab my bag. My training was taking over, it was lunch time and I had to find Vince. That was the only thing I could think of. I started to fast walk to the door when I felt a tug on my arm.

"I don't think I got your name, Clare was it? I wasn't sure if I heard correct or not." Eli's stare was intense.

"Yes. Clare Edwards, now let go lease. I have something to do." He let go, and smiled.

"Of course how rude of me, I just thought it would be a good idea to get to know my leading lady a little better. That was a very powerful performance, do you have a place to sit at lunch?"

"No, I don't. I'm actually looking for someone though, so I wont be eating."

"That's too bad, my buddy Vince love's new people. Well, if you decide you're going to eat you can sit with us."

My head shot up, Eli knew Vince? "Wait, on second thought I should eat." I wouldn't let this opportunity go.

"I thought you were looking for someone?" Eli tilted his head in confusion.

"I was but it can wait until later, I'm starving."

"Alright, cool." My head was spinning, Eli and Vince seemed like unlikely friends, but then again so were Alli and I. I followed Eli to the cafeteria and I took a deep breath, this is where my training was going to really count, I had to act the part. We reached the table and there Vince was laughing with his friends, like nothing had ever happened. He was living a normal High School life, while my brother was dead, never to see the light of day again. I was going to make him pay. "Vince, this is the new girl, Clare. Is it cool if she sit's here?"

Vince stared at me intensely, then looked back at Eli, "Yeah, it's cool."

I sat down across from Vince, and Eli sat beside him. On the side of me were two boys who introduced themselves as Zig, and Sean. They all kept staring at me so intensely not saying a word, except for Eli, he was focusing on the paper he had been writing on in theater class. Vince was the first to break the silence.

"Do I know you baby girl? You seem familiar." That had been my biggest fear, that maybe he would remember me from that day. He had run away so fast though, I had doubted he would remember me, especially since my physical transformation. He was searching me for weakness, but I was trained to not be weak, not anymore.

"I don't believe so Vince, maybe in your dreams?" I smirked.

"Vince broke his intense stare and laughed looking at Eli, "Man she funny. I like her." Eli barley glanced up and nodded at Vince. He was so focused on the play it was hard to understand why he was friends with Vince, the thought occurred to me that maybe he didn't know that Vince was in a gang. Vince looked back at me with a smirk on his face, "So, tell me. What are you doing after school, you wanna chill with your new friends?"

Eli finally lifted his head, and locked eyes with me, "I doubt Clare would be interested Vince."

"Actually, that sounds bad ass, but I have to be home before dark." I was setting my plan into motion.

"Oh, so we have a square on our hands?"

"No, it's just there's been some tension on my block lately. I live on 9th street, I don't know if you've heard but the rival gang of my block shot up a few houses the other night. I live alone, so until things cool down I'm gonna head inside before dark. I am just a girl." Vince's eyes widened in surprise, and then he smiled.

"Blue eyes you aint got a thing to worry about, that's my block. I noticed a moving van there the other day, welcome. You're protected now, everyone on our block is family. Fuck those pussy ass bitches, they'll get what's coming to them. Don't worry about a thing." Vince was trying to show off, I was getting the feeling he was forming a crush.

I bit my lip, "That's good to know."

"So, you wanna come by my place with us after school neighbor? We're gonna have a little smoke sesh, if that's something you're into?"

"I'm down as long as you help me with a little something?"

"Alright. alright, conditions. I see you girl, what's up?" He was eating right into my hand.

"I have these pills, and I've been away from Toronto for a while so I don't have any connects. You think you could help me sell them?" Vince, yet again, looked completely shocked. He looked at Sean, and Sean nodded giving Vince the "ok."

"Are you playing? If you really got shit, the boys and I got you. We don't fuck around though, no bullshit. You really sell?"

I put my back pack on the table and slightly unzipped it so Vince could take a peek, his eye's widened and he looked back up at me. "That's a lot to be fuckin with, you must be serious."

I looked over at Eli before speaking, he looked pissed. I didn't understand why, but for some reason I didn't want him to be. I shook the thought out of my mind, I was here for one reason, and one reason only. Revenge. "Dead. Do ya'll got me or not?"

Vince zipped my bag back up, "We more than got you. You're our sister now lil C." Eli quickly got up and stormed out of the cafeteria, and Sean spoke directly to me for the first time since I had sat down.

"Don't worry about Eli, he's always emotional. He's only been apart of the gang for a few months, little bitch is probably worried he's going to get replaced. I'll talk to him, don't worry lil C." I should have known as much, but yet, I was still disheartened to hear Eli was actually apart of this gang.


	2. Chapter 2

The sun had set as I was walking next door to Vince's. I left my gun at the house, I had to make them trust me, if they found a gun on me that would be thrown out the window. I knocked on the door and Sean opened the it, he stood aside motioning for me to come in. I came inside and the living room was filled with smoke, and 90's rap was playing in the back ground. Zig was sitting on the kitchen counter cleaning a gun and I momentarily regretted not brining mine. Vince was on the couch leaning over the coffee table and sorting baggies of drugs into separate piles, my presence had not distracted his concentration. There was also a girl sitting on the other end of the couch with long blond hair, she reminded me of the way I used to be. She was dressed very conservatively, and she wore a huge smile on her face with her hands in her lap. Sean walked passed me to sit by the girl throwing his arm around her, he kissed her lightly on the cheek. He motioned for Eli, who had been sitting by the radio sorting out money into piles, to turn the music down. Eli turned the music down and I just stood there in front of everyone being watched, waiting for someone to say something. Finally after an agonizing minute of awkward silence Sean spoke.

"Throw your bag to me." Sean put his hands out, this was a test, to see if I would obey commands. Without hesitation I tossed my back pack to him. "Good, thanks. These will all be gone by tonight, no worries. You'll get your cut of the profit by the end of the week, everything we sell combined, well we share the earnings. This is a family, not a one person operation. What we sell you get, what you sell we get, is that gonna be a problem?" He was still testing me.

"Absolutely not, family help's each other right?"

Sean sat up straighter taking his arm off of the girl next to him, "That's exactly right. So, you know the guy's, but I don't believe you've met Emma."

Emma stood up walking over to me with a huge smile, she hugged me. She pulled away still smiling, "It's so nice to have another member of the family!"

I nodded, "It's good to be here."

Sean motioned for Eli to turn the music back up and everyone went back to what they had been doing before. Emma led me to another couch and motioned for me to sit by her, she made me nervous. She was so touchy and I had a wire on, if she kept touching me, my whole cover could be blown. I excused myself to the restroom and threw the wire out of the window, I couldn't risk it, not on day one. I came back into the living room and sat by Emma, her facial expression had become more serious, and for a moment I was afraid I had been caught.

"You should turn around and leave Clare." Her tone was serious, and her eyes held a certain darkness in them.

"What? Why do you say that?"

"This life, this isn't the life you want to get involved in. I love the boy's, but they do bad things. They say it's to protect each other, to survive on this block, but it's not. It's all about money and who runs what. Take zig for example, he only joined the family because had no where to go, and Sean made him believe he'd be safe with us. He isn't though, none of us are. Everywhere I go I look over my shoulder, wondering if the rival gang is going to take me out once and for all. Once you're in, that's it, you cant leave even if Sean let you. You'll always be associated with us, so I'm telling you now to run. Girl to girl, If I could go back, I'd run." Emma's eyes were skimming through the room making sure no one was listening.

"So, you don't want to be here, or with Sean?"

Emma rolled her eyes, "I love Sean more than anything, that's the reason I'm here in the first place. That doesn't mean I believe in the life he has chosen, he didn't always used to be this way, he was smart and he made good grades. He avoided the temptation of gang life that this block presented to him, all he cared about was his mother. She was in cancer remission, she had beat it. Then one day she's unloading grocery's and the rival gang tries to rob her, she refused to give up her purse, so they shot her in the head. She died instantly, Sean and I ran outside as soon as we heard the gun shot. Losing her like that changed him forever, in so many different ways. He joined the gang eventually becoming the leader, he insisted it was neccassary so that I could be protected. He wanted revenge on them, and he wanted me to keep me safe. So here I am trapped in this life that I never envisioned for Sean and I, but I cant leave him. I love him. You though, you have an opportunity to go right now before you get in to deep. The boy's are like family to me, but they do bad things, the kill, they steal, this isn't a joke."

Hearing Emma's story made me sad for her, but just like Sean, I had a score to settle. Nothing would get in the way of that. "Emma, I appreciate the concern, but I'm not going anywhere. Everyone has there reasons for being here, like you said, and so do I."

Emma shook her head in disappointment, "What possible reason could you have for wanting to ruin your life?" She sat up and walked away towards Zig, he handed her a joint and she stared me down from across the room. I felt bad for her, but she didn't understand why I had to be here. I sat there looking around, feeling agitated. I was supposed to be gathering evidence to put each one of these horrible people away for life, yet I didn't have a wire on or any kind of opportunity to take photo's. In my deep thought I was yet again tapped on the shoulder by Eli, I looked up at him and he sat next to me. I momentarily noticed Vince give him a warning look.

My voice was cold, "Can I help you?" I didn't trust Eli, he was hard to figure out. He had pretended to be this normal theatre student focused on a play, yet he was part of one of the biggest gangs in Toronto. He even led me to the gang himself, he was sneaky.

"We're family now, is that anyway to talk to family Ms. Edwards?" His tone was light, like the way it had been before I found out he was apart of this operation.

I needed to appear loyal, "You're right, it's not. I apologize."

Eli's face dropped, "I was hoping you wouldn't say that. Clare, why are you here? You're talented, you can be in the school play and graduate, you don't have to be here." I was so confused. Eli had led me to the gang in the first place, why was he now trying to persuade me away from it? Before I could respond the door swung open, it was a girl with big curl hair, red lips, and black leather boot's. She was beautiful, breathtaking even. Eli scooted away from me, and she gave me a death glare.

The girl averted her eyes towards me, "Who's that?"

Eli walked over to her, "Bianca this is a new member of the family, Clare."

Bianca rolled her eyes and turned her attention to Sean and Vince, "It's time. Let's go." everyone scrambled about the room picking things up, and heading for the door. I looked around confused, picking up my bag. Vince grabbed my arm, "What do you think you're doing blue eyes?"

"I thought we were leaving, we have to get this stuff sold, right?"

Vince put his head back and laughed, "Not so fast, you aren't ready yet, this shit is dangerous. Besides you're still on probation girl, you have to earn our trust. I mean for all we know you could be with the feds." Vince was obviously joking, but it still sent shivers down my spine to hear him say that. I was probably more trained and equipped to handle selling than any of them, this whole process was going slower than I had anticipated.

"So, what am I supposed to do?" I kept the annoyance out of my voice.

Eli is going to stay here with you, to keep an eye out for you. None of us are ever alone if we can help it, he will take good care of my girl for me." My eye's became wide, his girl? That wasn't part of the plan, and Vince's strong personality and sense of entitlement disgusted me. He winked at me and headed out the door, everyone else was gone except for Bianca and Eli, I was staring at them without even realizing.

"Excuse me, do you mind new girl?" I ,embarrassed, quickly looked away. In the corner of my eye I could see Bianca kiss Eli. "Alright we'll be back, keep an eye on the new girl."

Eli nodded, "Of course, be safe Bianca." Bianca shut the door behind her, leaving Eli and I alone.


	3. Chapter 3

**It's very different for me to be doing a story that has Eli and Clare in a situation they normally wouldn't be in such as this one, but I am enjoying it. Weather Clare and Eli are in a gang, or they are monkeys, they are still Clare and Eli, and their connection is undeniable 33**

The smoke started to clear out of the room, and I could sufficiently breathe again. I walked back to couch and sat down, Eli followed me sitting on the coffee table in front of me. His presence was beginning to annoy me more and more by the second. "You don't have to be this close to me, there is such a thing called personal space."

Eli rolled his eyes, "No there isn't, not in this life that you're choosing. That's what I was trying to explain to you. You don't have to be here, Clare. Just walk away."

"You're here? I don't understand why you're persuading me away from something that you led me to in the first place." My face was stern, I hated him, and his self righteous attitude. Not just him, but all of them, they made me sick. They were criminals, monsters. The only one I had sympathy for was Emma, but even she would have to pay for her part in this.

"Correction, I persuaded you to eat lunch with us, not join a gang."

"Are you serious, what kind of ridiculousness is that. What did you think was going to happen?"

"I didn't think this would, why would I? Zig's girlfriend sit's with us most days but she hasn't even once thought about joining us. I certainty didn't think you were going to throw a bag of drugs onto the table, or that you even lived on this block. If I had known any of that I would have never offered for you to sit with us. Never." Eli's face was inches from mine, and I stood up to keep the distance between us. I walked into the kitchen and stood in front of the window, I needed my brother's strength. I needed him to help me through this, it was so much harder than I had anticipated. I could kick ass, and I had knowledge of the lifestyle, but interacting with people was so challenging me. For a year it was just Matt, me, and training.

I heard footsteps, Eli was behind me. "I'm sorry Edwards. I shouldn't have been so nosy, it's your life, your choice."

I turned around to look at him, if you're so against this life, then why are you in it? "

Eli chuckled, "That's a good question, obviously I don't seem like the gang member type, I know that. Everyone has a story though Clare, mine landed me here."

"Care to elaborate?" The more I knew about each person, the easier I'd be able to get to know them, and earn their trust.

"No, but I will anyway. I was relatively normal, as were all of us before we joined. I had a girlfriend, her name was Julia. She lived on this block like the rest of us, but she wasn't into this lifestyle. My parents left the neighborhood to tour, and they were going to take me with them, until Julia offered to let me live with her. It was great because I wasn't into the lifestyle either, but I did start to buy from Zig. Julia asked me to stop, but I didn't listen, I didn't see why I needed to. All I was doing was smoking weed, but it was causing a huge rift between Julia and I. I'm ashamed that I was so stupid, I should have just listened to her. I didn't though, and I began to hang out with Zig and Vince more. Still though, I kept away from the gang, but then I started to take pills. That lead to a mistake, a mistake meaning Bianca. I told Julia it would never happen again, but she left me anyways. She moved towns, and I haven't seen her since."

"So, how does that lead to you joining the gang?"

"Well, without her I was homeless, I literally slept on the street for weeks. Vince told me to move in with them, but I refused, I didn't want to be involved in anything having to do with the gang. That's when I met Sean, he offered to let me live here, and by that point in time I was starving, I couldn't refuse anymore. He promised I'd be safe with them which was great, but that meant I owed him. I had to do favors for him, or jobs as we call them, then eventually I just was part of the family. It seems unlikely, I know I don't appear to be a gangster, but that's what I am now. To survive I need them, they really are the only family I have."

"So you all live here?"

"No, no. It's just Sean, Emma, Vince, and I. Zig, Bianca, and now you, live in different houses on the block."

"Oh, I assumed you and Bianca would both live here since you're together." For a moment I felt a twinge of jealousy escape my voice, I didn't understand it, he disgusted me, yet It came out.

Eli raised his eye brows at me, and I turned away in embarrassment. "There really isn't any room here for her, It's a relationship of convenience mostly anyways. It's hard to have a relationship with anyone who isn't in this lifestyle, you don't want to ever bring anyone you love down with you. I don't know how Zig does it with his girlfriend."

I bit my lip to keep from saying something I'd regret, "She doesn't care that he's in a gang?"

Eli shrugged his shoulders, "Well I guess not, I mean Zig is a good guy."

"How can you say that, he steals, and murders people." My voice came out harsh, I didn't hide my disgust.

"Zig has never murdered anyone, most of us haven't. You don't know him to say anything about him, you're choosing to live the same way we do, so what's with the judgment?" Eli's mouth was in a line, and his posture had become stiff.

I had let my true emotions slip for a moment, and I had to recover somehow. "That's not what I meant exactly, I just meant I think it's wrong that he does the things he does, but drags someone else down with him, or rather us."

Eli seemed to be understanding of what I was trying to say, "I guess I see what you mean, but you can't help who you love." Eli smirked, "Well, at least we know Vince cant."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Excuse me?"

"He's claimed you as his, you're stuck with him." Eli averted his eyes away from me.

I protested in confusion, "I don't want to be with him, he cant just claim me."

"He kind of can, that's just how it is." I looked down, it made me sick, and sad that there were people who were really living under these fucked up ways. "Hey look at me." I looked up at Eli, his face was serious again. "You don't have to stay, you can go, you're so much better than this Clare."

For a moment I thought of Eli as human, a regular guy. Then I replayed the image of Vince gunning down my brother, and I remembered who I was dealing with. I was dealing with pathetic monsters who made up excuses for why they were in the gang, or why they were killing brothers, sisters, and mothers. I hated all of them, they were untrustworthy. I was trained to know that they would try to act like good carining people, but I knew better. My face became hard again, "You don't know a damn thing about me, or what I deserve."

I whipped my head around while trying to walk away but Eli grabbed my wrist, then he quickly let go staring at me. "Clare, what happened?"

"What do you mean?" Eli rubbed his hand over my collar bone, when I had whipped my head around to leave my hair had fallen behind my back. I always kept part of my hair over my right colar bone, I had an ugly scar there. It was from training, they sent me out on my first real mission to get some real life experience, and long story short, I was burned. The gang held a gun to my head for hours, burning me in the same spot every time the agency didn't meet their demands. It was a big reason I knew that no gang member was different from the other. Every single one you encounter may act like a decent person, but in the end when their back is against the wall they'll do whatever's necessary, no matter who they hurt.

I pushed Eli's hand away from my burn and placed my hair back over my shoulder, "Like I said, you don't know a damn thing about me."


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning I woke up in the shitty shack that would be my home until I got enough evidence to take down the gang, the sun was shining and I was feeling more determined than ever. The night before the gang had gone to conduct business, leaving me with Eli to be watched. They returned with more drugs than they had left with, explaining it was a new "shipment" and that they would sell it all the next day. Sean's knuckles were bloody and bruised, I didn't ask why, I didn't want to know. I could only imagine who they kicked around that night to sell what they needed to sell, and get what they needed to get. My mission for the day was to work on Emma, she was their weak link, she didn't want to be in the gang life like the others. I got dressed, and went to brush my teeth, eager to get to school. Looking in the mirror I examined my face, I looked so different, so unrecognizable. The weight I had lost had exposed my high cheek bones, and made my lips appear fuller, and my long hair made me appear younger than before, but that wasn't the change that bothered me. It was my eyes, they were cold, and that's why I needed this revenge, I would never be free from the pain of Alex's death if I didn't avenge him. I finished getting ready and made my way to school, the day went pretty normal, besides the constant presence of my "family" there wasn't a moment one of us was alone, I was suffocating. The only time I had to be alone was during theater class, and even then Eli was still around. Despite that though, I was enjoying working on the play, I'd never admit it, but I was. Eli was still writing the finishing touches on the play, so all he had me and the other actors doing was designing costumes, and painting props. Watching Eli from across the room work so hard on the play was puzzling. How could someone who lived the way he did, go through school and appear so normal. He was fooling everyone, pretending he wasn't a criminal. The bell rang interrupting my thoughts, within seconds Eli was by my side, and we were walking down the hall.

"Are you ready for lunch?" He said it like we were headlining to make a drug deal, instead of a school lunch.

"Of course, it's just lunch."

Eli smirked, "I know, but now you're apart of us, which means now you have enemies. Usually at school we keep our distance from each other, but sometimes we clash. I just want you to be prepared. If you ever feel threatened, don't hesitate to call for me, or any of us for that matter."

His constant warning's and frequent hovering were beginning to anger me, more than it should have. As we rounded the corner before reaching the cafeteria, I pinned him against the wall pulling out my knife, I stabbed the wall, the knife inches from his head. "I don't need anybody's protection, especially not yours." I pulled the knife out of the wall, and I could tell Eli was surprised I had done that, but that he didn't appear scared in any type of way. It was apparent that I hadn't been the first person to pull a knife out on him. The thought made me sad for a moment, and I felt bad for doing it. The point was to prove that I wasn't fragile, that I was just as ruthless as they could be.

Eli stared at me blankly, "Put it away, before you get us in trouble." I slipped the knife back between my hip, and pant's. "Let's go, they'll come looking for us if we take much longer." Eli began walking, and I followed close behind, it was as If I had disappointed him in some way, it was the opposite reaction I was hoping for. I had wanted to earn his respect and trust, but it was like I took two steps back. I would never get anywhere this way.

As we entered the cafeteria, I tried to apologize. "Eli, I'm sorry. I was just trying to show you that I can handle myself, just the same as the rest of you."

Eli's face was still blank, but he finally made eye contact with me. "Clare, who are you trying to impress? I just don't understand, everyone has a reason or a story that led them to the gang, you just showed up out of no where. You have no back ground story, nothing, you just chose to fuck up your life, none if it ad's up."

My body stiffened, was Eli onto me? I did have a story, and I did have a reason, but I couldn't say why. I just averted my eyes away from him, "My past is no ones business."

Eli scoffed, "You know what I don't care then Clare, do whatever the fuck you want."

We approached the table and Vince immediately stood up, "Where have you two been?"

Eli gave Vince a scowl, "The play stuff was taking a little longer than usual."

Vince laughed, "Ok, ok, what's with look? I dont even know why you do that dumb play man, we got business to attend."

Sean chimed in before Eli could respond, it was obvious Eli wasn't in the mood to be messed with, "Eli man, he's right. Bianca went by the house earlier, there's a problem."

Eli face twisted in concern, "What happened? Where is she?"

Sean responded in a hushed tone, "Nothing man, keep your voice down, she's fine. What isn't fine is our merchandise, the shit is gone Eli. All of it. You know what that means?"

"It means we lost a shit ton of money. What are we gonna do?"

Sean smiled, "What we gotta do." Vince, Eli, and Zig all nodded in agreement.

I chimed in confused, "So you guy's know who did it?"

Vince laughed again, "Oh hell yeah we know. Our rival's on the other side of town, aint nobody brave enough to come into our territory like that but them." Vince pointed to a table across the cafeteria. "You see them? That's the enemy table Clare. The one in the white shirt, that's their leader, he's ruthless. His name is Aston Baldrick. A few weeks back we made a deal with his main connect Lil Q, a deal that would make us his sole client. This is most likely a warning from Aston that he knows we're the reason Lil Q has been dodging him." I examined Aston, he was very pale with blonde curly hair, and right arm was completely covered in tattoo's. He was beyond handsome, and I immediately scolded myself for thinking so.

Eli slammed his fist on the table, "So what, we're just going to take care of them? No, it's too much attention to draw to ourselves right now, it's only been a year Sean."

Vince stood up with wild eyes, standing only inches from Eli's face. "We aren't gonna talk about that Goldsworthy, bring it up again and I'll fuck your punk ass up."

Eli kept calm, "Let's go then Vince, shoot me like you shot that innocent guy, do it."

Vince pulled his fist back and Zig and Sean stood up grabbing his arm pulling him back. Sean pushed Zig aside still pulling on Vince's arm. "You both quit your shit! Fuck man, this isn't the time to fight amongst each other!" Sean focused his eye's on Eli, "And you, don't you dare judge Vince, we've all done things we regret. That's this life that we live, and you know that. That kid came into a drug deal, trying to stop it, Vince had every reason to be nervous. It happened, now what's important is protecting each other, and keeping our respect in tact. Understood, the both of you?" They both nodded and Sean let go of Vince. During the altercation I had sat down at the table, my head was in my hands. Alex, they were talking about Alex, like it had been something he was asking for. I wanted to blow my cover, to start screaming at them. The knife was heavy on my side, it took all my self control not to pull it out and stab them all in the face, nothing would have given me more pleasure than to watch them die slowly in front of my eyes, but that wasn't my mission. I had to bring them down, by the book, the right and legal way. I lifted my head, I had to continue my plan. "Where is Emma, Sean?"

He looked over at me, almost as if he had forgotten I had been there. "She's back home with B. I don't know what's up Aston's sleeve, I didn't want her here today, it could be dangerous." Again, just like that, his eyes changed when talking about Emma. It was so confusing to see these people be so evil one moment, but then so caring, so human the next. I nodded, "I understand."

Vince pursed his lips together, "Clare I think you should go home too. Aston doesn't mess around, I want you safe."

I rolled my eyes, his crush on me was sickening. "I'll be just fine, don't worry about me, I'm fine."

Vince opened his mouth to speak, but Eli was the one who spoke first. "Go home Clare, now."

The boy's and I looked at him in surprise, I stood up and paused in front of Eli before leaving, I don't know why I listened to him, but I could see in his eyes that he genuinely wanted me safe. "Ok, I'll go."

"Eli mouthed a "Thank you" and the bell rang.

 **Guest- I am glad you are happy the story is being continued, because so am I! I hope that I can continue it in a way that pleases you guy's :)**

 **DragonEmperor999-Holly cow...That might be my favorite review on a story I have ever received lol**

 **Guest- Thanks so much, hope you enjoy.**


	5. Chapter 5

The bell rang and I exited the cafeteria making my way out of the front door's of the school. To my annoyance, the boys followed me the whole way. I turned around calmly, "Are you all going to follow me home too?"

Zig, who was usually quiet, spoke, "It's not that we don't think you're capable of taking care of yourself, it's just that things are unormally tense with Aston and his gang right now. We really are a family Clare, when I had no where to go the boy's gave me a home. You're our family now too, we could never forgive ourselves if we didn't take care of you, or if something happened to you."

Zig was sincere, so I nodded, he really looked at me, as us, as his family. "Alright then, let's go guy's." We began to walk away from the school, only a few feet from the front steps, when someone called out for us to stop.

"Hold on just a moment boys, what do we have here? Are you running away?" It was Aston, his blue eyes sparkled in the sun light, he was even more beautiful in person.

Sean looked at Eli, "You take Clare home, Vince and I will deal with this." He turned his attention to Zig, "You go back to Class, we can handle this" Zig nodded and made his way inside, Eli stood in place. "Eli, I said go, I'm not asking."

Aston Interupted, "Wait just a moment, don't leave just yet, who do we have here. A new addition to your so called family, perhaps?" Astons voice was dazzling, he spoke so proper, like he was from the 20's with almost an English accent. I never would have guessed he was a gang member. Aston walked up closer to us, with a friendly smile. "What is your name Ms.?"

Vince gave him a warning look, "Don't."

Sean spit on the floor in front of him, "What do you want?"

Aston's face became hard, "If you want to get to business, than fine. I want my connect back bitch, I know you screwed me over. That shit you had in your house was Lil Q's product, do not try to lie."

Sean laughed, "You came in _my_ house? You stole _my_ drugs? That's right? And now you want to talk about getting back your connect?" Aston nodded, and Sean laughed. "Fuck you, and Fuck your block. I know the deal, no starting shit at school, but you wait. I'd watch your back, because when you least expect it, I swear to God I'm gonna make you pay. I'm gonna make it slow and painful, I might even go after your mom, since that's the way you like to play." I remembered the story Emma told me about Sean's mother, was Aston the one who killed her?

Astons face went from angry to amused again. "Dear Sean, I am so ever displeased that you think it was I who committed such a heinous crime. That's neither here nor there, I will not let this utter display of disrespect go unpunished, so the same goes for you, watch your back my friend." Aston walked around Vince and Sean, and stood in front of Eli and I. "You are strikingly beautiful ma'am, may I have the pleasure of knowing your name?"

I did the same as Sean, and spat in front of his feet. "Clare Edward's is the name."

Aston smiled even wider than before, clapping his hands together "Oh my, this _is_ a wild one. Eli is this one yours? Don't tell me you dropped B? Do teach this one some proper manners, she almost spit on my brand new Christian Louboutin shoes."

There was a rumbling from Eli's chest that almost sounded like a growling nose, "Aston don't fuck with me today, we're on school grounds. Leave her alone, or else."

Aston's face became angry again, and he took another step closer to Eli, "Or Else what, dear little friend?"

Sean and Vince had the same worried expression on their face, I had to calm the situation. "I'm not his, I'm not anyone's."

Aston turned his attention back to me, "That is rather interesting news, I'm glad to hear. Maybe I, someday, can teach you a much better use of saliva." Aston grabbed my hand, and I froze, what was he doing? He kissed my hand, still smiling. I saw Vince take a step forward, but it was Eli who lunged first. He pounced on top of Aston knocking him to the ground, he punched him twice before Aston rolled them over. Aston got a few punches in before Vince and Sean pulled them apart. Aston struggle out of Vince's grasp, and I could see Vince reach for his back pocket, it gave me an ere and familiar feeling. I didn't want Vince to shoot anyone, but I didn't want Eli to get hurt for some reason. I didn't want to show my FBI training skills either, but I was under pressure. I kneed Aston in the private area, he fell on his knees and I hit him in the temple with my knuckle, he immideltey passed out, to my relief. Sean let go of Eli, and the three boys walked over to me. They all stared at me blanky, Vince's mouth was even slightly open in shock.

Eli looked at me in anger, "What did you do?"

I scrunched my face in anger, "I kicked his ass, what do you mean?"

Eli threw his hands up in frustration, "Great Clare, just great! Do you know what this means now? You're an even bigger target than before, that was so stupid! What if he had, had a gun on him, you'd be dead right now!"

I scrunched my face, and yelled at him in anger, "Say's that one who attacked him for no reason!"

Eli laughed, "I can handle myself, I didn't knock him out, and I certainly didn't hit him in the groin like you! He is going to be embarrassed, and ashamed, and he's going to make it his sole mission to kill you Clare." Eli turned around, and Sean called out to him.

"Eli, what are you doing!"

Eli threw a hand up, "I'm going to class, I'll see you at home."

Sean looked at me sympathetically, "Sorry Lil C, I don't know what his deal is. I thought you handled yourself well, I'm proud of you. Let's go home, and talk about our next move. We wont let anything happen to you." Sean and Vince both put an arm around me, and we walked away from the school. I truly did feel safe, and protected , for a moment I forgot who they really were, and I looked at them as my friends. Sean smiled for a moment, so where did you learn to do that, how long is he going to be out?"

"My uhm, brother, he taught me a lot of things, and Aston will be up pretty soon, it's a good thing we left when we did."

Vince kept sighing heavily for most of our walk home, and Sean and I eventually couldn't hold our laughter in anymore, angering Vince. "Why ya'll laughin at me!"

Sean patted his back, "Man cause you're pouting."

Vince squinted his eyes, "I aint pouting, I just don't know why Eli wants to go all Batman on us over Clare. She aint his girl, he got B."

"I chuckled again, "I'm not your girl either Vince." Sean made an ooooo sound.

"You know you my girl Clare stop playin." Sean and I both laughed again, finally reaching the house.


	6. Chapter 6

We walked into the house, and right away Emma jumped into Sean's Arm's.

"Baby what are you doing here! Are you ok? Did Aston do anything do hurt you? I was so worried all day."

Sean held her close, and smoothed her hair, "I'm fine Emma, don't worry about me. Clare's the one we should be worrying about right now."

Emma pulled away and turned her head to face me, "What happened? Where is Zig?"

Bianca stood up from the couch, "And Eli, where is he Sean?" Her tone was serious, with urgency dripping off her words.

Sean walked over to the kitchen table, and pulled a chair from it, and brought it into the living room. He sat down asking us to do the same, the four of us obeyed and sat on the couch in front of him. "First off, Eli and Zig are at school, they are fine." Bianca looked relieved. "Guy's things are going to get dangerous from here on out, I need you to all understand that before we go forward. Aston is a prick, but he's crafty, and has a lot of people backing him. The difference between him, and us, is we are a family. I hate when we are referred to as a gang, that's why I frequently try use the word family. We are people who sell drugs to support ourselves, I understand that, and sometimes we do illegal things, and It's just a bad cycle of violence, but don't we always try our hardest to avoid that?" Bianca, and Vince both nodded. "You know when Vince killed that guy a year ago, we all banded together in a way I had never seen before, It was beautiful to me. Why did we do that though? Did anyone of us feel good that someone was dead, for nothing? No, but we knew Vince didn't mean to kill him, and we knew that if he was caught he'd be sent away for a long time, we protected him like family. Blood, skin color, none of that matter's here, and I'm proud of you all for always staying by me, even when times get rough. Clare, Is in trouble now. Eli attacked Aston for disrespecting her, and us as a family, things got ugly and she knocked him out." I noticed Bianca frowning, and I felt bad, I wanted to reassure her that Eli was defending all of us, not just me, but I didn't want to interrupt Sean. "She also hit him in the private area, so when he wakes up he's going to be really pissed, but she did it to stop things from going further, I'm proud of her. So what I'm asking is that you all be open to my plan to help her, she is our sister."

Emma stood up putting her hands on her hips, "Well, that was inspiring Sean, I'm totally motivated babe, what's the plan?"

Sean smiled, "Well sit back down, and I'll tell you." Emma sat back down, and Bianca and Vince nodded their heads for Sean to go on. Just as Sean was about to speak the door opened, it was Zig and Eli.

Zig tilted his head in confusion while shutting the door, "What's going on, what did we miss?"

Bianca replied in a neutral tone, "Oh Sean is just trying to promote family unity so that we all feel motivated to help Lil C."

Eli and Zig pulled up chairs, and Eli looked at Sean, "He doesn't need to promote anything, we know we're family. No matter what" Sean smiled, and the whole thing was confusing me, they really did love each other, all of them, so much. You could see it written all over their faces, they were bonded so strongly, they were willing to protect me at any cost, just because. It was getting harder to look at them like monsters, the wire under my sweater became heavy, and I felt a sense of guilt. I blinked rapidly trying to snap out of it, Vince shot Alex, they were monsters, they were, weren't they? Sean began speaking again, breaking my concentration.

Clare we are going to burn your house down right now" My eyes widened. "Before you say anything let me finish. The purpose of that, is your safety, I want you under this roof not over there by yourself."

"Ok, but why do we have to burn the house down?"

"We're going to make it look intentional, the cop's will assume it was gang related, so they'll be all over it. Firefighters and police officers will be out here all night, Aston wont do anything to us while the police are next door, that only buys us one safe night though. Tomorrow, you're going to have to betray us, for pretend. Aston was taken by you, he isn't taken by girls normally, or really ever. We all know him well, he used to live here with us. I know, surprising, but true, anyways I could tell, he was attracted."

Eli stood up interrupting Sean, "Can you get to the point this isn't adding up."

"Eli calm down, I'm almost there. I want Clare to convince him she is betraying us, that she is sorry for her behavior, and that she is attracted to him as well. She's going to feed him false information on all of us, hopefully she can gain his trust enough to find out where he stays, once we find that out, Clare no longer has to fake anything. We'll take care of him, for good."

I stood up on impulse and shouted, "We're going to murder him!"

They all stared at me like I was crazy, and I sat back down in embarrassment. Sean stood up, "Listen it's going to be hard Clare, to pretend you have feelings for the enemy, but if you don't do this, he will, and I mean will, kill you. Even as early as tonight, him and his gang will come in here, guns blazing, and kill you." The more he said kill, the more logical his planned seemed.

"Ok Sean, ok."

Eli calmly stood up, and put his chair back in the kitchen, Sean looked at him confused, "Where are you going Eli?"

Eli scratched his head, "Sean, we aren't doing this. This isn't the plan, Clare isn't doing that."

Bianca scoffed, "She just said she was Eli, what the fuck is your problem?"

Eli ignored her, "Sean I just don't think it's safe for her, Aston is a bad dude, you know that."

"Eli, you've always trusted me, trust me now, it's going to work out." Eli, looked away, but didn't argue. "Bianca, you specialize in fire, would you mind doing the honors?"

Bianca smiled, "I'd love too."

I collected my belongings from the house, and moved them into Vince and Eli's room. It made me nervous having my things in there with them, I had a box full of equipment from the agency, but it was labeled "Clare's Clothes'" so I didn't see a reason for them to open it. Bianca burned down my shitty shack, and just as Sean said the police were there all night, even after they had finished questioning me. They were patrolling the streets until five in the morning, I know that because even with them there I couldn't sleep. FBI agent or not, there was really someone who wanted me dead.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning at school Aston was sitting on the front steps waiting for me. I hesitantly sat down, deciding it would be best speak before he did. "I'm sorry."

Astons head shot up, "Excuse me?"

"I said I'm sorry, I should have never done that, It was wrong. I thought Vince was going to shoot you though, and, for some reason, I just really didn't want that to happen."

"I thought this conversations was going to go more along the lines of us both throwing death threats at each other, I have never been assaulted by an enemy gang member, and then got an apology. This is something new, but I am quite impressed, maybe you do have manners after all."

I laughed, and it was so fake, I hated pretending to like him, almost more than I hated pretending to be in a gang in general. "Well, I have been under some stress lately, and Sean has been forcing me to prove myself. He had me burn my own house last night, just to prove I'd do anything to keep them safe." I put my head down, pretending to be sad.

"Yes, I sent a new b to kill you last night, he said it appeared your house had caught fire, and there were police everywhere. I told him it was a shame, and that he could do the job the next night." My eyes widened, and my body became stiff. Aston chuckled, "Don't worry your pretty little head, you have apologized, and I respect that dearly, I shall not harm you tonight Ms. Edwards. I quite fancy you actually, I was a bit sad after I sent for you to be killed. Well, it all worked out, shame we can't continue on as true friends, but alas we are enemies, and I will eventually be forced to get rid of all of you."

I grabbed his hand, "We don't have to be, technically we aren't."

He raised and eye brow, "Excuse me, I'm a bit lost."

"I, I am not happy with them. They are not family to me, they stink, and they are ghetto. Last night they crossed the line, they made me burn down my home. I want out, I want to join you Aston. I know I spit on you, and knocked you out, but please." I batted my eye lashes, attempting to be attractive.

"Clare, you are exquisite, and I would enjoy your company more than you could imagine, but it would be dangerous for you to leave them, and so suddenly. They are dangerous once crossed, I could not in good conscious take you in."

"Then I'll stay with them, but I'll feed you information, become your spy. When you have all the information you need to take them down, then can I join you?"

Aston tilted his head, seeming intrigued by my declaration "Your determination is rather inspiring, and it seems you are most unhappy living with the rats. I shall indeed grant your request, as long as I get the information I need."

I leaned over kissing him on the cheek, "Thank you Aston." I stood up walking inside, Eli was standing there waiting.

"So now we're kissing the enemy, really Clare?" I rolled my eyes. "Clare, what did he say?"

"He said that he was going to kill me last night." Eli put his head down. "He said said that since I apologized he wouldn't kill me."

Eli's head shot back up, he was smiling. "That's amazing Clare, now everything can be normal again."

"No, I'm still following through with the rest of the plan, Sean is right, he needs to be taken down. Aston said so himself, eventually he will kill all of us, that's just the way it is."

Eli grabbed my arm, stopping me from walking away, "Clare there are always going to be enemies who want to take us out, we cant go killing all of them off. This doesn't sound like you at all, you're changing. This lifestyle is changing you, and I hate it. I told you this would happen, you're involved in a plan to murder someone, do you know how serious that is? You could get killed, or go away for life."

"Eli, bad people, need to be punished."

"The people who do the punishing are just as bad Clare. Why cant you just trust me?"

I looked into his eyes, he so badly wanted me to walk away from this plan, to walk away from all of it, but I couldn't. I was addicted to the thought of making Aston pay, as well as Vince. Two birds, one stone. Aston would die, and Vince and the rest of them would be taken down for murder, I'd be in the clear because I did my job, took them down, by any means necessary. I couldn't trust any of them, not even Eli. I walked away from him, without answering his question, and I entered my first period. I sat there the whole time day dreaming, about what life would be like if Alex was alive. I'd be graduated already, attending some fancy college, Alex would be pushing me to focus. I wouldn't be involved with these gangs, and there would be no confusion as to who the good guys were, or who the bad guy's were. At this point I truly couldn't tell, all I knew was Alex was gone, and my heart still ached. I still needed Vince to pay for what he did, even if Sean's words were true, and Vince didn't mean to kill him, he did. A flash back of the day before popped in my mind of Sean, Vince, and I walking home laughing and Joking. Their arms around me, making me feel safe, I had to shake my head to get the image out, my training didn't prepare me for all of this.

The bell rang and waiting outside my class room was Vince, "What's up Vince?"

"Oh nothing, just thought I'd talk to you, make sure you were good."

"I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, it's just the last few days have really been something. You're in danger now being apart of this family, and don't think I don't know that. I aint all jokes like I always try to appear to be. Things weigh heavy on my heart, it's weighing heavy on my heart that you gotta be around that fool Aston, but I know you down, and you'll be alright."

"I will, don't worry about me Vince. We all have our reasons for being in the Family, I need to be with you guy's."

"I know all about needing this family. When you're down and out, they got you. I know you heard about how I killed someone yesterday, and you must look at me like a true thug." I turned my head away, I didn't want to hear him talk about how he killed my brother. "I never meant to hurt him, I thought he was the police, I'd never shoot no damn police to kill them. I just wanted to take him down, so I'd have time to run, before he shot me or something. I never had shot a gun before, honest, so I didn't know how to aim or nothing, I was way off, and the poor guy died. It weighs heavy on me, and I pray to God to forgive me Lil C"

I turned back to look at him, he had tears streaming down his face. My heart hurt for him, no matter how much I didn't want it to, it did. I stopped Vince and hugged him, "He forgives you Vince." Vince cried into my shoulder, and I cried with him. I forgave him too, forgiving him took away all the pain in my heart, but there was a new pain there, for a different reason. I still had to put Vince and the rest of them away, I was an FBI agent, and that was my job.


	8. Chapter 8

A few weeks had passed and Aston trusted me more than ever. He was planning on introducing me to the rest of his gang soon, which meant I'd find out where he lived. Sean decided we should celebrate my success and have a little family party, everyone left to pick things up for it, except for Bianca, she said she wasn't feeling well. Eli offered to stay with her, but she insisted he go help me pick up the pizza. The car ride was awkward, Eli hadn't spoken to me in weeks, he was angry at me, and I didn't really understand why. Everyone else was proud, but he detested me for even speaking to Aston.

"So, Sean suggesting we have a party, that's a change, isn't it?" Eli stayed silent, so I tried again. "You must be worried about Bianca, she looked like she was feeling pretty bad didn't she?" Again, he didn't say a word, so again I tried. "So Aston gave up a little more information today on-"

"Clare just shut up, please. Just stop it." For the first time in week's, Eli was looking at me.

I parked the car in front of the pizza place, and turned the music down. "Eli, why are you being so cruel to me, family doesn't treat family this way."

"That's just it Clare, that's the problem. The way you talk, the way you act, it's like you're not even you anymore. You deal in absolutes, and you just threw the family card in my face because you didn't get what you wanted."

"So, because of that, I deserve to be treated like a piece of shit?"

Eli sighed, "No, no you don't. I just cant understand, how do you hold his hand, pretend to be his secret lover? it's sickening. Or are you really his lover now?"

I slapped Eli on instinct, and I didn't regret it, I wouldn't let him insinuate something like that. Eli's cheek was red, but he had a smirk on his face. "What's so funny?"

Eli chuckled, "Nothing, I just, I had that coming."

I was utterly confused, "What is really going on? I need you to talk to me, because it bothers me Eli, this constant awkwardness between us."

Eli's green eyes sparkled in the light with curiosity, "Why, tell me why."

"I don't understand, what do you mean why?" I understood his question in all honestly, I just didn't know the answer.

"Why does it bother you, why do you care what I think at all?"

I pursed my lips together embarrassed, "Because it put's a strain on the family, I don't want things to be weird for everyone else."

"You know what, let's just get the damn pizza and go." Eli slammed the car door, leaving me confused as ever. I didn't know why I cared, I didn't know anything anymore.

Eli came back a minute later with the pizza. The drive back to the house I kept looking at him, trying to say something to get him to hate me less. I had just slapped him, so I was off to a rough start.

"Eli, I'm sorry I hit you." My voice was low, full of regret.

Eli smiled, "It's alright, it isn't the first slap I've ever gotten."

"What's so funny?"

Eli began to chuckle, "Bianca, she's hit me a few times, she's got a temper. She's a firecracker, that's for sure."

"You really love her don't you?"

Eli could see the let down expression on my face, "I wouldn't go that far, but I'll always be loyal to her, that's for certain. I wont make the same mistake I did with Julia, because that's the worst thing you can do to a person, cheat on them." I looked away, remembering K.C. Eli noticed, "Clare, what's wrong?"

I laughed, "Now you care?"

Eli frowned, "Clare, I always care. That's why I'm angry, that's why I can't stand thinking of you around that lunatic, he's dangerous. Now tell me what's wrong."

I gave in, "Nothing's wrong, I can just relate. I had a boyfriend who cheated on me before, It was rough."

"Eli raised an eye brow, Do I know him?"

I smirked, "Why, are you going to have a hit put out on him?"

Eli laughed, "You're right, it's best I don't know who it is."

We arrived back at the house, Eli and I sat in silence for a moment. It was like we had so much to say, but we didn't know what it was exactly.

"Eli."

"Clare." Eli paused for a moment, as if changing his mind about what he was going to say. "We better go inside, Bianca's waiting for me."

I looked away, "You're right."

Eli and I headed inside, no one was in living room. Eli looked around, concerned "I should go check on B, see if she's feeling better." I nodded my head, it was almost as if he was asking my permission. Eli walked to the back room, and I started to clean up a little, the rest of the group would be back soon. Before I could even pull out the Windex I heard a scream, It was Bianca.

"Eli! It isn't what it look's like! Baby, please, please listen to me!" I ran to the back room to see Bianca naked, barley covering herself with a sheet. The boy next to her changing back into his clothes was one I recognized all too well, Drew Torres.

Eli had his hands on his head, looking back and forth at both of them with wild eyes. "What the FUCK! What the mother FUCK! You fuckin Bitch, I knew it, I knew something was going on, I just never thought it was this shit." Eli turned his attention to Drew, "You, get the fuck out before I slit your god damn throat, you punk ass." Eli grabbed Drew by the neck and threw him past me, and out the door. He then kicked him, literally, in the ass. All the way until he hit the front door, Eli's eyes were in a rage, like he couldn't control himself.

Drew was frightened, so frightened he could barley speak. "Man, I didn't know!"

Eli pulled out a knife, "Bullshit! Bullshit you didn't know, do you know how disrespectful it is, to walk into _my_ house, and find you banging _my_ girl? That kind of disrespect doesn't go unpunished."

Bianca came running out with tears streaming down her face, 'Eli stop it! Put the knife down, please!"

Eli turned his head, "Shut up bitch! Get the fuck back in the room, that's an order!" Eli's voice was aggressive, and he was breathing heavy. I had always wondered what Eli was like when he and the boy's were taking care of business, I Imagined this is what it looked like. To my surprise Bianca went back into the room right away, but then again, in this lifestyle your partner was your master, you had to listen to them.

Eli held the knife to Drew's neck, and I finally found the courage to speak. "Eli, please, put it down." My voice was weak from my crying.

Eli turned his head again to look at me, "Clare go back in the room I don't want you to see this!"

I took a step closer, "Eli, I'm not Bianca, I'm not going to bow down. Put it down, ok. You don't need to do this." I was standing directly behind Eli, and I could see the tears streaming down Drew's face, and the blood that was slowly starting to appear on his neck.

Eli was gritting his teeth, trying to keep in control. "Clare, I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to, please get out."

"Eli, then don't hurt me. You always talk to me about being myself, well you need to take your own advice right now. This is something you've been taught, but it isn't you. You love theater, and writing, not killing people. Killing, stealing, selling, that's not you, put the knife down." Eli kept shaking his head in protest, never moving the knife from Drew's neck. I put my arms around him and whispered, "Eli please, for me, please don't be like this." I closed my eyes, holding on tight, and I finally heard the sound of the knife dropping. My eyes were still shut, I was afraid Eli had slit his throat before dropping the knife. I heard to sound of the door slamming shut, and I opened my eyes. Drew was gone, it was just Eli and I. We both fell to floor, and he began to sob in my arms.

"Everyone leaves and betrays me Clare, everyone."

His tears were soaking my shirt, and all I wanted to do was protect him from the pain he was feeling, "Eli not me, I'm not going anywhere ok."

Eli looked up at me with wide and teary eyes, for a fleeting moment I thought he was going to kiss me, and I wanted him too. The back room door opened erasing the moment, Bianca came out fully dressed with tears in her eyes. "Eli please let me talk to you, it isn't what you think. It was a mistake, I didn't mean for it to go that far. You've just been so distant, and I've been so lonely, we can fix this, please tell me we can fix it."

Eli got out of my arms, and stood up wiping his face of tears. "Bianca, trust and respect is all you can ever have in this lifestyle that we live, love doesn't exist in it. We both know that, so your lonely statement doesn't really mean shit. What you and I had, it was all based on a mutual respect and trust we had for each other, that is dead now. I wont bring this up in front of any of the family, because unlike you I'm loyal. You can fuck whoever you want, not that you weren't anyways, it doesn't matter to me, not anymore."

Bianca ran to Eli, tugging on his arm, "Please, please don't leave me." Her voice was cracking, she was having a break down.

Eli calmly pulled her off of him, "Bianca, please enjoy the party tonight. Tell the others I had some things to do for the play, and that I will be back tonight. Don't be upset, it happened, you and I have survived guns, knives, drugs, getting jumped, etc., we can survive a break up. There's no room for crying, worry about business, because in the end that's all we have."

Eli's mood had changed from angry, to being so calm within seconds. I stared at him in disbelief as he walked out of the door. I turned to look at Bianca, who was pulling a lip stick out of her purse. "Bianca what the hell are you doing?"

She spoke as she applied her red lipstick , "Clare, there's nothing I can do, it's over. Eli is right, crying get's you no where, that's rule number one in the gang. It's not in our nature to be weak."

I couldn't believe my eyes, they had been broken up a total of 5 minutes and she was already fixing her makeup. "Did you love him at all Bianca? Seriously, you just broke up, how can you both already be ok?"

She laughed, "Of course I love Eli, he's family. We will always love each other, we just wont fuck anymore."

I shook my head in disbelief, their rules and unusual ways of handling things was too much for me to handle, I left the house, determined to not come back.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello friends. I know I have been gone for a little longer than usual, but truth is I lost inspiration to write. I hate saying that to you guys, but at least my motivation has returned. It was literally from ONE review, that I decided I cant keep leaving them hanging. You guy's don't understand what it means to me to hear what ya'll think, means the world tbh. Anyways this chapter is going to be a turning point in the Clare/Eli relationship, FINALLY. Enjoy :)**

I ran out of the house breathless, with tears streaming down my face. No amount of training could have prepared me for the emotional aspect of living with theses people. I began to run down the road, but no matter how far I ran I could still hear all the voices inside my head. The voices telling me to take down Vince and his gang, the voices of my new "family" telling me I was safe with them, and in the background of it all the sound of my brother hitting the floor and dying. Finally out of breath. I dropped my knee's at the end of the road. Ironically there was sign in front of me that said "dead end" That's where I was, at a dead end. I started screaming, at everyone, and at no one.

"Why! Why me! Why did you have to die, why did you leave me all alone!" I was punching the floor in anger.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around me, and without hesitation I turned around wrapping mine around him too. I knew it was Eli before I had turned around, In some weird way I had felt his presence. Worried, Eli tried to calm me down. "Clare, what is wrong? Talk to me, stop crying."

I pulled away in and began walking back towards the house. "You're right, no crying in this lifestyle right?"

Eli grabbed my arm, spinning me back around. "No, you...you can cry all you want. There's no shame, I just meant that I didn't want you to be upset. If I can help, I want to."

With a shaky voice, I took his offer to help. "Can we go away? If only for a little while, can we just go somewhere, away from anything gang related?" Eli grabbed my hand, and pulled me back towards the dead end sign. He pulled me into the brush behind the sign, and into the woods. "Eli, where are we going!"

"Somewhere away from everything gang related, do you trust me?" I nodded, I did trust him. We walked for minutes before we reached a stopping point, yet there was nothing in front of us but more bushes.

"Eli, I don't understand. It's dark out already, are you lost?" My voice rang with annoyance.

He smiled, "Passed these bushes is the place I come to get away from everything. You must swear you'll never tell a soul where this place is."

I nodded, "I swear."

Eli grabbed my hand again and pulled me through the bushes. I heard a click, and lights turned on, they were hanging from tree to tree. In the open field there was a hearse, the back of it was open with blankets and pillows inside. "That was my car, when I first moved here I drove it around, but It was apart of the old me, so I decided to leave it here. Whenever I want to get away I come out here, sometimes I even sleep in the back." Eli was staring at the car, like he was reminiscing what used to be.

"Eli, this is beautiful, why do you ever leave?"

"I leave because this isn't me anymore, and because I could only survive so long without food and water." He chuckled.

I walked towards the hearse, sitting in the back of it. "I think I'd rather die than go back at this point."

Eli's head shot up, and he walked towards the hearse and sat beside me "Don't say that Clare. What is going on with you? You were crying before, why?"

"Because Eli, you're all so confusing. None of what any of you say makes sense. One minute it's about family, and the next we're making plans to kill our rival gang members. Bianca and you were going crazy one moment, and the next you were family again? There are rules that I just don't understand, lines that are too blurred to comprehend."

Eli sighed. "Clare this life is something I never wanted to be apart of, something I never expected I'd be involved in. If you aren't built for it, it will destroy you. You seem so for it one minute, and then the next you act as if we disgust you. Why are you involved in this, you know you don't have to be, and I don't want you to be."

"Why do you care what I'm involved in? Oh wait, let me guess, because we're family. I know."

Eli half smiled. "No, because this isn't you. You're smart, I know because I see you do Sean's homework, and he's been getting straight A's. You're talented, the minute I heard you sing I knew you were going to be the star of my play, and you're beautiful Clare Edwards, I don't want to ever see anything bad happen to you." Eli was leaning in closer to me, staring at me in a way I'd never been stared at before. His eyes were holding mine, not letting me look away. I began to feel myself leaning in too, and I searched for a reason to pull away, but I couldn't find one. All I could think about was him, and how desperately I wanted him. In that moment I was just Clare Edwards again, and not an agent sent to take anyone down. Our noses were touching and all I could hear was the sound of his breathing. He brought his hand up to cup my cheek, sending shivers down my spine. "Clare, I'm going to kiss you right now, ok."

I barley breathed an, "Ok."

Eli put his lips to mine, kissing me slowly, and gently. All of a sudden the earth beneath me fell, and nothing in the world mattered but him. I wanted more of him, I was craving being closer to him. I ran my hands through his hair, deepening the kiss. His body stiffened at first, surprised by my aggressiveness, but it quickly relaxed again. I pulled him down ontop of me by the collar of his shirt, my back was flat against the hearse. Eli was kissing me neck, breathing heavier than before. I began to unbutton his shirt, and then he pulled away breaking the spell.

Eli put his head in his hands, "Clare no, no, no, no, this is wrong."

I sat up and grabbed his arm before he could escape the hearse, "Eli no, why is this wrong? Please don't leave me." My voice was desperate, I needed him more than I had ever needed anything in my life.

Eli's face softened and he layed down, opening his arms wide. I tilted my head in confusion. "Well, are you going to lay down or not Clare?"

I hesitantly layed down, putting my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms round me, giving me goosbups. I nervously spoke, "Eli, what does this mean?"

"This means I'm fucked."

I sighed, "Explain?"

"Clare, I've been fighting the urge to kiss you ever since the moment I layed eyes on you. When I'm not with you, all I do is worry about you. My every thought has been consumed by you, but everything has been standing in my way from being with you. It still is. We cant be together."

"What, why?"

"If Vince, Bianca, or Aston found out everything would go to shit. Clare love doesn't exist in a gang, it never works. Do you think Emma and Sean are really happy? No, they aren't. She is a target because she's with him, she's his weakness. Everyday he's fighting just to keep her safe, and she's agonizing over something happening to him."

"I wont accept that we cant be together Eli, I wont. I didn't trust you before, but something kept pulling me towards you, it's like this magic I cant explain. I don't want to lose this feeling, I don't want to lose you. I don't care what Vince or Bianca think."

"What about Aston, what's he going to think when my arm is around his girl? He'll try to kill you again Clare."

"Then we keep it a secret, whatever it takes I don't care, I just know that I can't continue on not being with you." As I spoke I kept realizing how right Eli was, us being together would never work. Not because of everyone else, but because my job was to have him sent away to prison. I closed my eyes, trying to make that fact go away. For now, I wouldn't think about that.

Eli tightened his arms around me, "We can quit the play, use that period as a study period. Theatre is just an elective, we can spend that time together. I will try, but if anyone starts to catch on Clare I'll end it, I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you."

"Nothings going to happen to me Eli, don't worry. Can we spend tonight here, away from everything? No worries, just us? Just one night."

"What will we tell everyone?"

"That I went to find you because B cheated, and you were too upset to come home, so I took you to my parents house?"

"Your parents? You have parents here?" Eli sounded confused.

"Well no, but they don't know that."

"Clare there is so much I don't know about you. I wanna know everything. Why are you really involved in the gang? Where is your family?"

I couldn't tell him the truth, and It killed me, but I gave him the closest thing to the truth I could. "My father died when I was young, he was shot at a store. My mother became a drunk, and all I had in the world was my brother. I developed a party problem, and he was my protector."

"Where is he now?"

"He's dead. He was killed not too long ago, by a drunk driver." I hated lying to Eli, but I couldn't tell him it was Vince. "So I was left alone. My mother moved away, and I went with her, that's why I left Degrassi for a year. We moved to Texas, and I got involved in a gang down there. Things got bad with my mom, she drank herself to death. She had insurance, so I got a good sum of money. Well enough to take care of myself, so I moved back to Canada, and here I am. Alone."

Eli kissed the top of my head, "You're not alone. You'll never be alone again."


	10. Chapter 10

Weeks had gone by and my feeling's for Eli were becoming increasingly hard to hide from the others. Eli, Bianca, and Zig were out making a drop off leaving me with Vince, Sean, and Emma. Emma and I were sitting on the couch counting the cash intake for the week, while Zig and Sean watched.

"So Lil C, when you gonna fess up?" Vince's tone was serious, had he caught on to me for real this time?

Sean laughed, as I stared blankly at him like a deer in headlights. "Did you think we wouldn't find out?" I still stared at them blankly, my face turning pale, I didn't know what to say. "Clare, you look like someone died. It's not that big of a deal."

I stopped counting the money, and looked to Emma for an explanation. She half smiled at me, "Clare, we know about you and Eli. It's so obvious, you two are the worst liars. We can see the long romantic glances across the room, and the way you two smile when the other one is in the room. Why didn't you just tell us?"

I breathed a sigh of relief, "I'm sorry guy's, Eli just thought it would be better for my safety if it was a secret. Besides, he and Bianca just broke up, and then you Vince...we just didn't want to upset anyone."

Vince got up and sat on the arm of the couch next to me, putting his arm around me, "Lil C, it's all good. You know Bianca don't care, she's been screwing that Drew guy for weeks. I got the hint a long time ago anyways, You don't ever have to keep a secret from us, you should know that girl."

Sean sat on the coffee table in front of me, "He's right Clare. There isn't anything you cant tell us, we are a family, and we'll understand no matter what it is. Eli is right to want to protect you though, taking down Aston is a priority right now. You're so close to finding out where his hide out is, if he found out you've been playing him this whole time, well I don't even want to think about that. In general, being with someone in the gang lifestyle can be rough, Emma and I know that first hand."

Emma grabbed Sean's hand, "He's right Clare, but you know what, as long as I am with him, it's all worth it. As long as we're all together, protecting each other, I'm ok. I know I warned you to get out while you could, but I'm selfishly so glad you're here. The house has never been cleaner, and it's really nice having another girl around."

I smiled, but inside I was so guilty. They were showering me with love and understanding, but I was lying to all of their faces everyday. "'Thank you all so much for making me feel so, loved. I don't have a family, so It means a lot to have people who care around." I pushed any thoughts of about lying to them aside and we told jokes, and laughed, not once did anyone bring up anything gang related. Eli, Bianca, and Zig came in in the middle of our laughter.

Bianca crossed her arms and raised an eye brow, "What went on while we were gone?"

I stood up and walked over to Eli, putting my arms around his waist. "They found us out."

Eli looked nervously back and forth at Bianca and Vince, and they both laughed. Bianca uncrossed her arms, "Eli don't look so surprised, Vince and I have known. You two are so obvious, we aren't mad. Whatever makes you two happy, we are for it. In fact, family picture, right now!" Bianca pulled us over to the couch, and Zig jumped in our laps. Eli looked at me with a worried expression, but I squeezed his hand to assure him it really was ok. Bianca grabbed my phone from the coffee table and set it on a self time in front of the couch. She ran over to the rest of the us, and a few seconds later the flash went off. The rest of that day was full of laugh's and joke's, I had never been so happy in my life, but in a matter of seconds I was brought back to reality. I got a text from Matt asking me to meet him at headquarters. I lied to Eli and the rest of them, yet again, saying I had to run up to the school to finish a project. Before I walked out the door, Eli and I made eye contact, I think part of him knew I was lying, he just didn't want to admit it. It ate away at my soul, knowing that I was deceiving him.

As soon as I closed the door, I called Matt. He spoke before I had a chance to. "Hello, Agent 969. It's so nice to hear from you, I hope I haven't inconvenienced you." His tone was dripping in sarcasm.

"Of course not, but I'm on the job, what is that you need to see me about."

He laughed, "Exactly that, your job." Matt hung up, and as if on cue a limo pulled up. I got inside, and the driver sped off immediately. My uniform was laid out beside me on the seat. I changed into it, and pinned my hair up. Wearing that blazer and long skirt used to make me feel so powerful, but wearing it again felt so foreign now. There were a pair of heel's on the floor board, I slipped them on, and the limo stopped. I opened the door, we were at head quarters. My ID badge was on the uniform, and I used it to get inside. I walked down the familiar hall's, and the familiar faces waved as I passed them. I reached Matt's office, and before I could knock the door it opened on it's own.

"Come in 969." I sat down in the chair in front of his desk, he stopped writing and looked up at me. "What's going on?"

"Sir, I'm not sure what you mean."

Matt's eye brow's furrowed "Don't bull shit me 969. It's been months and you haven't sent one shred of god damn evidence in, you haven't even checked in with me of all people. What the hell? Do you even have any evidence? What have you been doing this whole time?"

I shakily raised my voice, "I do have information, I just don't have anything the agency would be interested in. Just minor drug charges would be the gangs punishment, you want them away for good don't you?"

Matt slammed his fist down on the desk. "No! I call bull shit again, you know protocol is to consistently send in every peace of evidence you have. You have nothing on your wire, nothing!?"

"Using a wire is too dangerous, the family hug's, a lot."

Matt tilted his head in sadness, "Are you shitting me, the family? Clare what is this? Not trainor the student, but friend to friend, what are you doing? I know you're more cabable than this."

My cheeks became wet, and my throat started to close."I love you like a father, you know that Matt, so I hope that you wont think of me differently when I tell you what I have to say. I've broken your number one rule, I've gotten close to them, convinced myself they aren't bad people, because they aren't. They care about me."

Matt stood up from his chair putting his hands on his hips. "Clare no, no, they don't! We went over this in training, you know that gang members care about one thing only, their product selling, and making them money."

"I just don't believe that, not with them, you don't understand, you don't live with them." I wiped my tears away.

"Oh, so now you live with them? Dammit Clare, snap out of it. What do you think is going to happen if you continue to not do your job? You'll be fired at the very least, and then the time you've spent in that gang will have been for nothing. It will be as if you were really in a gang this whole time, you are not a gang member, you're agent 969. You are an FBI agent with a big future ahead of her if she does her job correctly."

"Matt I don't know if I can, I just don't know! How can I look at these people I have grown to care for, and lie to and hurt them like this?"

"Clare look at me, look at me straight in the eyes. You can do it the same way that Vince guy killed your brother in cold blood, and the same way they ALL helped him cover it up. Would your brother be proud of you for making friends with the people who stole the very breath from him? If you can answer that question with a yes, then by all means go, quit and live the "thug life" with your new friends. You know what though, I think I know you a little better than that, and I don't think you can answer that question with a yes. I know that this job can be hard, but you have to make a choice to do it, or to walk away. Go ahead and go back, I'll give you a day to think about it, but no more than that. I love you like a daughter Clare, I never would have brought you into the FBI if I didn't believe you were capable of serving justice."

I walked out of head quarters feeling torn between who I thought I was, and what I was becoming. The one thing that rang true in my confusion was Eli, I couldn't hurt him.


	11. Chapter 11

**I absolutely posted the wrong chapter to the wrong story I apologize time a million! Please forgive me! And also thanks for the compliments. I think you guys are the bomb :)**

I walked back into the house that night around 3:30 A.M. I had been walking around the whole night, thinking about my talk with Matt. I didn't want to disappoint him, but sending Eli and the gang away didn't seem like an option either. When I shut the front door closed I began to tip toe through the living room, before I could reach my room the living room lamp turned on. Eli was sitting on the chair with his arm's crossed.

"School project? So you've been at Degrassi all night?" His voice was quiet, almost sad.

"I went for a walk, I'm sorry I didn't call." I sheepishly looked away.

"Clare you're lying to me. Something is going on with you, something big. You had us all worried tonight, you know it's dangerous to be alone, especially at night like this."

"What do you want from me? I said I'm sorry Eli."

"I want the truth, I want to know where you really went, I want to know why you're really here."

"What is that supposed to mean? I already told you why I'm here."

"Yes, you did, and that story wasn't a hundred percent true either. I can see it in you're eyes right now, you want to tell me what's going on, so please Clare just tell me. If you don't, I don't know that I can stay by you."

I scoffed, "Really? What happened to, I'll never be alone again?"

"Clare, Dammit stop it. I don't want to leave you, I'd rather die than be without you. Don't you understand? I have fallen in love with you, so deeply, and so unexplainably. I don't understand a lot of things in life, I don't understand why you, Clare Edwards, and I, Eli Goldsworthy, were put together, but we have been. There is a reason for it, I'm not going to pretend to know what it is, but I know that I need you. You need me to, just let me in Clare please, I'm begging you."

I broke, I sat on the couch beside Eli, and I began to sob. "I'm a liar, I'm a huge fat liar. I have never been in a gang before this, I am FBI agent 969. I was sent here to take you all down, to send you away for life to-"

"Stop. Stop. Tell me you're joking, tell me this is a joke Clare. This isn't making any sense, you're too young to be in the FBI."

"No, it's the truth. Vince killed my brother a year ago, I witnessed the whole thing. I have been training ever since for this very mission. Everything started to change though, you changed-"

"I don't want to hear anymore, I don't want to see you, you should go now while you can. Once the gang finds out, you're going to be in danger. Sean will shoot you, no hesitation, you know too much."

"Shoot me? What happened to family, you would turn me in like that, without hearing the rest of what I have to say? Eli I love you."

"No, shut up! You love me? Sweetheart, love is a lie, you just proved that. You've been spying on us this whole time, gathering information to put us away, me away." I saw a tear fall from Eli's eye, and I went to wipe it away, but he slapped my hand away. "Don't touch me, I'm crying because I'm angry. I'm angry that I was such a fool to have thought I could have possibly have been in love with you."

"Eli don't say that, everything that I have said to you about us has been true!"

"Just what were you planning Clare, huh? You would seduce me, and then what, have the whole swat team run in one random afternoon while I was spilling my gut's to you? You're evil and you're twisted. Is that where you were today, reporting information about us to the fed's?"

"No Eli, just let me explain, please." Eli stood up, facing the direction of Sean and Emma's room. "Do it Eli, go tell on me right now. Let Sean come out here and dispose of me if that's what you want, because I don't want to live this life without you in it."

Eli chuckled coldly, "You know it never made sense anyways, you in a gang? It's almost laughable. Everyone else was swayed by your big talk, dark makeup, and stupid beanie, but I always questioned it. You never want to participate in any business, and anytime we'd talk about drug's you'd make a disgusted face. There were plenty more signs, but I guess I was just blinded by my feelings. I broke rule number one of this lifestyle."

"And I broke rule number one of mine, don't fall in love with the enemy. I did go to head quarters today, but it was because I was in trouble for not sending in any information on you guy's. I couldn't do it, not only because I fell in love with you, but I fell in love with this family. My trainer Matt, he gave me an option to quit today, because I was refusing to send in evidence." I walked up behind Eli, putting my hand on his shoulder, he flinched at my touch. "Eli, I'll go, but please, if you care about me at all. Don't tell them, I don't want to hurt them."

Eli turned around, we were inches from each other. "You're right, I don't want them to feel the way I'm feeling right now. Betrayed. I understand you're need for revenge, I do, but that still doesn't make up for what you've done. I am sorry Vince took you're brother Clare, and I'm sorry we all helped cover it up, but you know we have to protect each other. If it had been you, we would have done the same thing, no way would we have let you go to prison. I hope you can understand our part in it, and I hope you can understand why I need you to get fuck out of here. Don't come back, don't talk to any of us ever again." I had tears streaming down my face, and Eli wiped them away, along with his own. "It's for your own good Edwards, you're in the FBI and if they ever found out, well let's just say B wouldn't hesitate to slit your throat. This is a dangerous environment anyways, but being the law, that just makes it a million times worse for you. Despite what you've done, I don't want to see you die. Now go, back to your job, forget everything that ever happened here."

"Eli, no, I can't. I love you!"

"Clare go!"

 **Cliffffffffy**


	12. Chapter 12

**That review meant so much, thank you so much. That is exactly what I wanted, for the characters to come across like themselves. I wanted to take a far fetched idea, and make it as realistic as possible. I want to show that no matter the situation they are in, Clare and Eli are just inevitable. As for Second Chances, no promises but I might have a chapter up for it tonight. I have been twiddling with the idea for a new story as well, so my mind is on 283839 different things. Well anyways, here ya go :-)**

"What the hell is going on in here! Yall gonna wake everyone up man!"

Vince was standing in front of Eli and I with tired eyes, I looked to Eli waiting for him to rat me out. When he didn't say anything something in my mind snapped, I had to get it out, the truth. Vince was the reason I came here after all, the reason I joined the FBI. "Vince there is something you need to know, right now."

Eli looked at me frantically, "What Clare means is she's tired and doesn't know what she's saying, just go back to bed Vince."

I walked closer to Vince, staring at him for the first time as myself, as Clare Edwards, sister of a dead brother. Vince looked at me confused, waiting for me to say something, so I did. "You took everything from me that mattered."

Vince scratched his head, "Lil C, you must be tired. What are you talkin bout?"

My voice was almost a whisper, "You killed my brother Vince, you killed him like he was an animal. The man who's life you took a year ago, I am his sister."

Vince looked like he saw a ghost, he took a step away from me shaking his head, barley uttering one word. "No."

"Yes Vince, that's me. I'm an FBI agent. My whole purpose of being here is to take you all down, put you away for life. I had even planned to kill you. My box's of clothes, are actually boxs of wires, and cameras and guns."

Vince kept shaking his head, "How could you? Clare we all loved you, we trusted you! I didn't mean to kill him, man I didn't!"

"Don't worry Vince I'm not going to send any of you away, because I've grown to love you guys too." Tears were streaming down my face again. "And I hate it! I hate you for taking him from me, and then making me care about you! I'm in this whole mess because you chose to recklessly use a gun, do you know the pain I went through? I had no one left but him, you left me all alone Vince. All alone. And for the first time here with all of you I've felt safe and like I had a real family again, but Its all wrong because your gang is the reason he's gone."

Vince took a step towards me reaching his hand out to comfort me, but Eli stepped between us. "Vince, I think it's best you go back to bed. I'll take care of Clare, ok. I know this subject is hard for you to talk about."

"Did you know the whole time Eli?" Vince stared at him with hard eyes.

"No, I just found out. You know I wouldn't have deceived you all like this."

Vince pushed Eli aside, "Clare Eli is right when he says this subject is hard for me to talk about, I have nightmares man. I swear I done cried myself to sleep bout this man! I never meant to kill him, I ain't never killed no man before! I'm sorry, please forgive me! I love you Lil C, to know I hurt you is making this so much harder."

I rapidly blinked trying to clear my eyes of the tears, "Vince I forgave you a long time ago, what I can't do is forgive myself for forgiving you."

All at once Sean, Emma, and Zig came out asking what was going on. Again Eli looked at me with scared eyes, he didn't want me to tell them. He was scared for me, because he still loved me. That was enough for me, that was enough for me to walk away in one piece, without falling apart.

Sean rubbed his eyes, "What the hell guys? What's going on? Clare where did you go tonight, we were worried."

i laughed ironically, "You don't have to worry about me, trust me. I could take out all down with one finger. I'm Clare Edwards, FBI agent. I pulled out my badge. I'm a traitor and a liar. You can shoot me if you want, do whatever it is you have to do."

Eli quickly ran to my side, standing in front of me. "No, one is going to shoot you Clare. No one." He stared at Sean, his face warning him not to hurt me.

Sean's eyes became wide, and he pulled out a gun from the back of his pants. "I trusted you, I brought you in, I made sure you were taken care of. This is how you repay me?" Sean was pointing the gun my direction with a shaky hand."

Emma put her hand on his shoulder, "Sean it isn't worth it. Baby stop."

Zig looked at me frowning, "I don't say much Clare, you know that, but screw you. You were supposed to be our sister." In normal Zig fashion, he left back to his room. Zigs words hurt more than Sean pointing a gun at me.

Eli walked closer to Sean, "Put it down, I can't let you hurt her. Just let her go, please. Brother to brother, what if it was Emma?"

Sean laughed, "Dont compare them, Emma would never betray any of us. Clare knows too much, she's in the fucking FBI Eli, what do expect me to do?"

"I expect you to trust me when I say that Clare isn't going to rat any of us out for anything." Eli turned his head back around to look at me. "Shes going to leave us alone, and never speak of her time here with anyone."

Sean lowered the gun, "and why exactly are you going to do that Clare? Why should I trust that?"

"Sean, I love you all. I'm so sorry, sorry that I betrayed you guys. Vince killed my brother, and my mind was clouded with revenge. I hope you can understand why I did this, why I felt I had to send you all away." My voice cracked on the last words.

"Go. Get out of here, and don't come back! Now!"

i glanced at Eli one last time and I ran out of the house, alone again. I pulled out my phone and called Matt.

"Hello, is everything ok Clare?"

"I quit. I love you, and I loved my brother, but I quit. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"I'm truly sorry to hear that, I'm disappointed in you. What will you do now?"

"I don't know." I hung up the phone, free for the first time in so long. I was free from the FBI, free from the gang, and free from revenge.


	13. Chapter 13

I walked into Degrassi the next day after quitting the FBI, determined. I spent the previous night wondering where I was supposed to go from here, and the only thing I could think of was Aston. I had spent a lot of time with him, and he wasn't like my ex family. He was cruel, he had no soul, someone like him deserved to be in prison. If I could take him down then maybe Matt wouldn't be disappointed in me anymore, and maybe my friends would forgive me. Part of me thought that, but then another part wanted to run away. I wanted to chop my hair off, wipe the makeup off, and just be Clare again. I couldn't though, Aston was a danger to so many people, and I was the only one close enough to him to get rid of him for good. At lunch I walked in trying to avoid eye contact with my former family, but I couldn't help but glance over at them. They were laughing and smiling, completely oblivious to me. It hurt me that they were seemed so unaffected by my absence, even Eli. I walked passed them, and sat down at Aston's table causing him to spit his food back into his napkin.

"Clare, sweetheart, what is that you are doing?"

I reached my hand across the table, and grabbed his. "I left them Aston, I told them my loyalty was with another. I'm sorry, I don't want you to be angry but I couldn't keep up with the lie anymore."

Aston ran his free hand through his hair and smiled, "Clare, you surprised me, but I am ever so happy that you made that decision. It is going to be rather entertaining seeing their reactions. Do tell, do they know of us?" I shook my head. "Ah, I see. All the more entertaining , shall we have a bit of fun?"

"Of course." I wanted to Burst into tears at just the thought of going over there with Ashton in front of them, but I was doing it for them. I was doing it to prove to them, Matt, and even my brother that I cared about all of them, and I'd do anything for their forgiveness. Aston and I began walking over to their table, he put his arm around me and I could feel the cockiness radiating from his body. We reached the table, and I automatically locked eyes with Eli. I could see the hurt in his eyes, and it tore me apart.

"Hello friends, we haven't had a good chat in quite some time so my lady and I wanted to come say hello." Aston annoying accent made my skin crawl.

Sean stared at me coldy, "His lady? Wow, well I guess it makes sense. Dogs, belong with dogs."

Aston laughed, "Dear Sean why are you being so petty, it's quite rude to call someone a dog. Don't blame Clare for wanting an upgrade, she has told me of how terribly she was treated living at your barn." Sean stood up, and Zig and Eli held him back. "Testy, testy now aren't we?" Aston turned his attention to Emma. "If you ever do tire of the barn, I would certainly welcome a call from you." Sean started to go crazy, kicking and screaming profanity. Emma tried to calm him but nothing would work, and all the while Aston kept laughing. I could feel the tears coming so I was thankful when I heard the bell ring. The rest of the day I kept replaying their faces in my mind when they saw me with Aston. I decided to skip my last period, I just needed a moment to think. I started to walk down the hall towards to front doors, when I felt a tug on my arm. I was pulled into a janitors closet, and before I could start screaming a hand was thrown over my mouth.

"Stop if. It's me." Eli took his hand off my mouth.

I turned to face him, my eyes wide with surprise. "What the hell are you doing, if Sean or Vince see you talking to me they'll flip."

Eli squinted his eyes, "I don't care. What the hell was that at lunch? Are you completely insane now?"

"I'm not insane, I'm with Aston and his gang now. I quit the FBI."

"Ha ha. Very funny Edwards, tell me what's really going on."

"I am." Lying to him this time around was so much harder than before.

Eli's voice became a low whisper, "You can't be serious, why? You don't need to spy for us anymore, so what possible reason could you have for being in a gang, let alone his?"

I turned my head away, unable to make eye contact with him anymore, it hurt too much. "He wants to take care of me, that's all there is to it. Now if you can excuse me."

Eli raised his voice again, his tone becoming more stern. "no, you can't be excused. Clare do you have feelings for this guy, seriously?" I nodded. "Bull shit. No way. I won't accept that."

I looked back at him, spitting my words out in an angry tone now. "Why are you even talking to me? You told me to forget my time with all of you, and that's what I'm doing."

Eli's eyes softened and he became sympathetic. "Clare I was angry, and I was hurt, but all I could think about last night was how worried I was about you. Where did you stay?"

"A hotel." I stared at him blankly

Eli took a step forward closing the gap between us. "I don't want to be apart from you, I meant what I said, I love you. I should have never said I didn't, please tell me why you're doing this? Do you know what it did to all of us to see you with him? It's like you twisted the knife that was already in our back's. Vince is beside himself with guilt Clare, he feels like this entire mess is his fault, and his guilt over your brothers death has gotten so much worse. I'm worried about him, do you not care at all?"

"No, I don't care. I'm with Aston, and his gang now. Dont talk to me, not ever again." I left the closet, breaking his heart and mine all over again. I didn't want any of this, I wished that things were simpler. I wanted more than anything for Eli and I to just be together, without anything standing in our way. That's why I was doing this, if I could get rid of Aston then maybe everything would be better, maybe Eli could even leave the gang life for good. I had to try.


	14. Chapter 14

Eli's POV

Day's. Day's had gone by without Clare so much as glancing at me. She dropped out of theater like we had planned, only now it was to get away from me instead of be with me. Seeing her with Aston made me physically ill, I wanted to tear him apart. Not only was he causing trouble where Clare was concerned, but he had been interfering in business as well. Everytime we went to pick up a shipment we'd only find box's of random things like bug's, dirt, and even blood. The connect was never around, and Sean was convinced it was Aston messing with us. Sean came up with a plan to kill Aston, in the middle of the night, him and all his gang.

"No way Sean, Clare is in his gang now. That's way too dangerous she is going to get hurt if we do this." Sean and the rest of the guy's sat in the living room loading gun's, the girls were out shopping unaware of Sean's plan. I momentarily noticed Vince's shaky hands, he had been struggling since he found out he killed Clare's brother, and he had been popping all kinds of pills none stop. "Sean look at Vince, he isn't fit to even do this. Can you stop playing with those things and talk to me! Somebody!"

Sean put the gun down on the table, and looked at me angrily. "What! What do you want me to say Eli, this has to be done. Now. We've waited long enough to strike, if we don't do it now we're all going to be killed. It's him or us, and I choose him."

I looked at him in disbelief, "Do you not care about her at all?"

Sean's eyes softened, "She betrayed us, we don't forgive betrayal Eli, and you damn well know it. I'm sorry that you were tricked into falling for her, but you have to let it go. Are you with us, or not? Don't forget who your family is."

I looked at the floor, not knowing how to answer the question. It should have been easy to say I'm with you, that has always been my answer to him, but I loved Clare now. "How do you even know where he is Sean, Clare never found out for us."

Zig stood up, sliding his gun into his back pocket. "We know because I followed him and Clare last night, it was time we took action."

I gulped, "Clare? She's staying with him."

Sean nodded, "Do you see now Eli? She's a snake, she never cared about any of us." I felt like my heart had fallen out of my chest, I didn't want to believe Clare was really with Aston. I had been holding out hope that there was some explanation, that maybe it was part of her FBI mission, anything but what it seemed to be.

The door swung open and Emma and Bianca came in. Emma's eyes focused on Sean's gun, "What are you doing with that?"

Sean sighed heavily. "Emma. I have some business to take care of tonight. Bianca and you will stay here."

Emma wrinkled her nose in confusion. "Busines? What business, Sean?"

Sean gritted his teeth. "Aston business."

Bianca stepped forward shaking her head, "When are you boys going to stop hiding things from us. The whole story, I want it now."

Sean nodded, "Fine. We are going to kill Aston tonight, him, and all of his gang."

Emma dropped her shopping bags, "Clare?" She turned her head to face me. "Eli, how could you."

Right then and there I knew my decision. "I have no part in this Emma. I won't kill her, I can't."

Sean stood up in a rage, kicking the coffee table over. "We will do what I say! When I say it! Clare is the enemy, Clare is helping Aston keep us from making money. Clare tried to destroy this family!"

Emma walked over to Sean, staring at him with tears streaming down her face, before slapping him. "You are destroying this family, you are Sean! I don't even know you, you don't speak to us this way, order us around like we're below you. You certainly don't make plans to kill any of us, which is what you are doing, because Clare is one of us. All of you can pass judgment on her, but before you do think about yourselves first. We have all done things, bad things, all Clare did was her job. She couldn't even follow through with it though, because she loves us. Have any of you taken a moment to think, if Clare wanted to destroy us she could have easily given Aston, Or the FBI for that matter, all the information they needed to take us down. Clare hasn't sold us out, not to anyone. I don't think she is in his gang, just to be in it. She's trying to take him down, for us. I know in my heart, that that's what she is doing. If any of you harm a hair on her head, I'm gone. I promise you Sean, I'll leave and I will never come back."

I walked over to Emma's side. "I'm with her, if you do this I will leave, and I will kill you before I go." Bianca and Zig followed my lead, refusing to hurt Clare as well. It was just Vince standing by Sean now.

Vince took a step away from all of us, scratching his head crazily. "Man, yall fightin. Y'all are acting crazy. We shouldn't be hurtin Clare, I hurt her. I hurt her enough, man. She didn't deserve any of it, that boy didn't deserve it!" Vince dropped to his knees sobbing, he was fucked up, but his pain was real. We all knelt beside him at once, wrapping our arms around him as a unit. His needing of us made us forget everything else, If only for a second. Vince lifted his head out of his hands, and looked at Sean with tears rolling down his face. "Don't make me hurt her no more please."

"Sean pulled Vince's head into his chest. "Ok. Ok brother."

I felt relief in an instant. "Really Sean?"

"Yeah Elli, you're all right. Clare loves us, and we love her. She is still family."

I couldn't help but smirk. "So what now?"

Sean smiled. "We're busting her out of that bitch, and brining her home where she belongs.

Guest 1:I hope you can understand a little better now why she went back to Aston! Thank you for your review :)

Guest 2: Thank you for the review! I'm sorry you felt it was too quick, but I hope you can understand Clare's desperate need for family since she doesn't have one of her own anymore. That was a big part in why she forgave them quicker, rather than well, not quick lol. She needed them.


	15. Chapter 15

I lay in Aston's room, waiting for him to come back from a job. I had recorded every piece of evidence there was to record, and I had taken pictures of every drug in the house. I had everything I needed to put him and his gang away, all I needed now was to leave. Now that it was time turn in the evidence I had, I found myself scared of what would come after. Would taking Aston down really solve anything, ore would it just make me a target? I didn't know, but I knew if it didn't try something, and I truly lost Eli and my friends, Id be lost for good. Aston had his boys guard the doors whenever he would leave, he still didn't trust me completely. As I contemplated a way to escape before he got back, the door opened.

"Clare, I'm sorry it took me so long but the traffic was dreadful." Aston got on top of the bed, hovering over me. He bent his head down lower to kiss me, but I turned my head away. He raised an eye brow, "What is the matter?"

"I need some space Aston, I'm going to stay in a hotel for a few days."

As I tried to sit up Aston held my wrists down, restraining me. "Like hell you are. You have denied me what I have been deserving of for too long, you will please me, like a real woman."

I kneed him in the groin, and he rolled over holding himself. I ran for my gun I had hiddin under his bed, just as I was in reach of it I felt a tug on my hair. Aston pulled me back by the hair, and wrapped his arm around my neck. "You little bitch, you've been playing me this whole time. You made a grave mistake dear Clare."

I struggled trying to pry his arm away from my neck, "No, you did." I threw my head back head butting Aston, causing him to fall to the ground. I ran for the door, but he grabbed my ankle, pulling me down to the floor with him. His head was bleeding, and his face was red with anger.

"Who the bloody hell are you, GI Jane?"

I spat in his face, "No, I'm Clare Edwards."

Aston pulled a gun out from behind his back, and put it to my head. My body stiffened, and a gasp escaped my mouth. "I'm going to fuck you, Clare Edwards. You know, I unfortunately grew to love you in our time together, but you did betray me so. All for what, an emo gangster? How dreadfully original. So, unfortunately I will have to fuck you, and then kill you."

"You're crazy."

"Say what you will dear, but If you resist at all i will pull the trigger. If I have to fuck you dead, I will."

In this situation I knew I wasn't supposed to move, wasn't supposed do anything dumb, but the thought of him forcing himself inside of me made me contemplate letting him shoot me. Every thing that I thought of to get out of the situation I was in, only ended in me dying. He unbuttoned my pants with one hand, continuing to hold the gun to my head. Once he slid my pants down far enough he slipped his off, keeping the gun aimed at my temple the entire time. I screamed, for help, for mercy, even for Eli. As I screamed he began to kiss my neck, while opening my blouse. As my screams became louder her pulled away, keeping a blank expression on his face. He stood up and walked to the door, opening it and handing the gun to one of his lackies. He snapped his fingers and two more came into the room, also with guns. "Clare I need two hands for this, I hope you don't mind if our dear good pals watch a bit." Tears fell from my eyes, and for the first time I didn't know how to get out of the situation I was in. I was surrounded by men, who would have no problem shooting me if I made one wrong move. Emma had always told me I hadn't really seen how dark this lifestyle could get, and now I knew what she meant. Instead of finishing unbuttoning my shirt, Aston Violently tore it off of me, pulling out a knife he cut my bra off. I lay there exposed in front of all these men, and there was no place for me to hide. Aston position himself over me, smiling, "This might hurt Clare."

Before he was about to enter me, gun shots went off, and the three men dropped to the floor all at once. I immediately head butted Aston, and kneed him in the groin. As he fell to the floor I poked him in the eye socket's. I grabbed the gun on the floor that one of the men had dropped and I began to beat Aston in the head with it, all I could see was red, my need to kill him was insane. Someone pulled me back, but I kept swinging at the air. "Clare stop it, I have you! I have you! Look at me!" Eli held my face between his hands, his face was wild with anger, and sadness. He put his leather jacket over me while pulling the gun out of my hands, and sat me by the door. Vince and Zig came to my side with with my clothes in their hands. I slipped my pants back on, keeping my eyes on Eli, if I looked away from him I'd lose control again. Sean and Eli were discussing something in the corner of the room, when I heard another gun shot. This time is wasn't from My boys, it was from Aston. I watched as Eli fell to the floor, I ran to him screaming. "Eli! Someone help him, Eli!"

When I reached Eli his eyes were closed, but I could see him still breathing. His shirt was quickly becoming solid red, and Sean picked him up and grabbed my hand. As we ran out I heard another gun shot, this time I didn't know who fired it, or who had been shot. All I knew was that there was blood dripping from a hole in Eli's body, and my heart was breaking.


	16. Chapter 16

I sat in a chair by Eli's side inside my former home, waiting for him to wake up. It would be the first time I had seen him since he was shot a week before. Sean thought It was best that I stay away for a little while, so Eli could focus on his recovery, and not worry about me so much. He lost a lot of blood that night, and he barley made it out alive. I spent the whole first night praying to God, praying that he didn't take him away from me. When my prayers were answered and the doctors let us know Eli was going to make it, Bianca and Emma drove me back to headquarters, where I stayed with Matt. I explained everything to him, and despite his strong morals and ethics, he kept what he knew a secret, and gave me an alibi. He said I was with him that night, because he didn't want me to get in trouble for Aston's death. Vince had shot him, and he and Zig disposed of the body, along with all of Aston's gang that had been shot that day as well. If I was with Matt that night, then there was no reason that the police would want to question me.

My thoughts were broken as I noticed a figure standing in the doorway, it was Sean.

He raised an eye brow at me, "I was probably wrong you know." He whispered.

I let go of Eli's hand, turning to look at Sean. "About what?"

"Everything. Eli was right, you were trying to protect us. I should of never turned on you the way I did Clare, I'm sorry, because of me you were almost-"

"Don't. It's ok Sean, all that matters is Aston is gone. Things can go back to normal now."

Sean crossed his arms, "So, what is the new normal? Where will you stay, what will you do? Which side of the law will you choose to be on Edwards?"

I smirked, "Well, my career as a double agent is definitely over that's for sure. Honestly I don't really know."

Sean walked over to me kneeling down on one knee. "You could stay here, if you want, with us. It's clear you care about Eli, and the rest of us for that matter. I know that deciding to be in this gang with us, sounds crazy, but you're a good asset to have. Besides, the house isn't the same when you're gone. It's dirtier, and Vince doesn't have anyone to play video games with."

I bit my lip, "So. What? We just pretend I never hurt you guys?"

Sean's mouth formed into a straight line, "No, we just decide to move On together, as a unit."

I opened my mouth to speak, but Eli squeezed my hand beginning to wake up. He slightly opened his eyes, "Clare?"

I leaned over him, "I'm here Eli, it's me. How are you feeling?"

As Eli began to sit up, I noticed Sean exit the room. Eli rubbed his eyes, "Where have you been? Are you ok?" He grabbed my hand, with worried eyes.

I smiled, "I'm ok, I've been staying with a friend so that you could focus on recovering."

He rolled his eyes, "That's dumb. All I could think about is weather or not you were ok, or why you were staying away...I was worried."

I smoothed his hair back. "I'm sorry Eli, I didn't mean to worry you."

"Clare, how could you be so dumb? You almost died, do you know what that would have done to me?"

I gulped at Eli's bluntness. "I'm sorry ok, I just wanted to make things right again." Eli slowly scooted over, holding his stomach in pain while doing so. "Eli no, don't hurt yourself anymore than you already are."

Eli ignored me still moving over, and then patting the space next to him. "Sit." I did as he said slowly sitting down, trying not to hurt him. Eli turned his head, so that we were facing each other, "You know we were going to get you, and bring you back home, right? It wasn't a plan to hurt you, it was to save you. I knew you weren't really in his gang, you were trying to protect us. I was right."

I nodded, "I know Eli, Sean explained everything to me."

Eli raised an eye brow. "So, that means that he's asked you to stay with us still, hasn't he?" I nodded again, and El's eyes darkened. "I hope you know that, that isn't going to happen."

My eyes widened in surprise, "What, why? Are you still mad at me?" I was surprised at myself for how openly I made my disappointment known. I hadn't realized that my mind had already been made up, I wanted to stay with them.

Eli leaned his head on my shoulder, causing my heart to beat rapidly. "No, of course not. I just, I don't want to see you hurt anymore. I can't." I felt a tear drop on my shoulder, and it made me want to hold him, and to take all his pain away." Seeing you like that, with him over your naked body, Clare I could of killed him myself. If Vince hadn't, I would have gone back to do it myself. If you stay, things like what happened that night, will happen again. This isn't out of the ordinary for us, in a few months it will be someone else in my position, and I won't let it be you."

I rested my head on Eli's, soaking in this rare moment of vulnerability. "It isn't your choice Eli. I'm choosing to be with you, and to be with you, I have to stay. I know that, just as well as Emma knows she has to stay to be with Sean."

Eli moved his head from my shoulder, taking my face into his hands. He stared at me with such intense eyes, that I began to nervously sweat. I was in every way, melting. "That is exactly what I don't want Clare. It would be selfish of me to let you live the way Emma does, you aren't meant for this, this isn't you."

I briefly closed my eyes, trying to find the courage to respond. "I don't care. Whatever you say, it won't change anything. Eli, I love you."

Eli's eyes slightly widened, before becoming soft. He slowly leaned forward, and my heart began to explode. His lips gently touched mine, lingering for several seconds before finally pulling away. He leaned his forehead against mine, keeping his eyes closed. "God damn you Clare. I love you too."

My voice became husky, "I'm so happy right now."

Eli's smile quickly faded when the sound of a gun shot rang through the house. He instinctively pulled me to him, grabbing his gun from under his pillow. He pointed it towards the door and leaned his head down to whisper in my ear, "Don't move. It's either the police, or someone who wants to retaliate for Aston's death. Don't be scared, I won't let anything happen to you."

The door swung open and Eli put his finger to the trigger, as soon as he realized it was just Sean, he lowered the gun. Eli and I both breathed a sigh of relief. "Man what the hell, what are you doing playing with guns like that? You scared the hell out of me." Sean was pale, staring back at Eli as tears started to fall from his eyes, and he dropped to his knees. I got out of the bed quickly helping Eli to walk over to him. Eli put his hand on his shoulder, "Sean, talk to me now! What's wrong, why did a gun go off."

Sean's lip quivered and he began to sob into his hands. "Vince shot himself in the head. He's gone."


	17. Chapter 17

It was small. Way too small. He deserved more. His service had four people in attendance, besides us of course. His fellow gang members. His mother, grandma, brother, and baby daughter we hadn't even known about, were the only family members present. There was so much about Vince, we just didn't know about, or maybe it was that we didn't take the time to know about. Sitting there listening to the service didn't make it seem anymore real then when Sean ran to Eli and I in tears, proclaiming Vince had shot himself. Eli was a wreck, Sean was a wreck, I was a wreck, we all were. When the service ended we all sat in our chairs, not knowing what to do, or what was next. After a few minutes of agonizing silence Vince's mother walked over to his coffin, slowly turning to face all of us. She began to softly speak, but the strength in her voice was evident. "My son, my baby, he's gone now, and I'm so angry. I was so angry that I was gonna come up in here and Blame y'all, but after today I think I'll refrain from that. I can see you young children are upset just as I am, so I won't further twist the knife. What I will do is urge you to look at this coffin a while longer, and think about the consequences of your actions. You guys thug in the streets like you're somethin, just like my son here did. What is he now though? Nothin. What did all that thuggin get him? Nothin. He could of been something great, but instead he's a nothing in a coughin, leaving behind a baby who will never know him. Sooner or later the lifestyle you all choose to live, is gonna catchup with ya. I strongly urge you children to think about where your life is headed." The silence in the air was painful, and the only sound that could be heard was Emma's heavy breathing, and the occasional sob that would escape Bianca's mouth. After a few more moments the rest of Vince's family walked up to the coffin beside her.

The next one to speak was his grandmother. "Well children, I think it's time we go, I hope y'all youngin' think about what my daughter said. I'll leave you with a good luck, and a thank you. Its apparent there aren't a lot of people here today, so I thank you all for loving my grand boy enough to come. I am happy to know that he wasn't alone." She slowly began to walk off, the rest of the family slowly following. When they drove away out of sight, Sean stood up, holding his hand out for Emma to take. She took it, then stood up and held her hand out for Zig to take. One by one we all did the same to the person next to us, and hand in hand as a unit we walked to stand in front of his casket. We all stood there crying, each of us silently blaming ourselves for his death.

Sean let go of Emma's hand, stepping in front of us while resting his hands on Vince's casket. "He was our brother. He was our brother, and we let him die. Do you all understand that? He was good, he was so good, and we just let him die."

Emma shakily spoke while sobbing. "Sean don't say that!"

He balled his hands into fists, causing his knuckles to become white. "It's true! He blamed himself for killing Clare's brother, and we all knew how the guilt was eating him alive! Did we do anything? No! Then he kills that bastard Aston, and still we did nothing! We let him abuse drugs to a crazy extreme, because as long as it made him fine on the outside we didn't care! We didn't care enough! He wasn't made to kill, he wasn't."

Sean began crying into his hands, and Zig let go of Emma's hand to wrap his arms around him. "It's not your fault Sean, Vince made this choice ok? You can't blame yourself."

It all felt so wrong, because Vince really was good. He was funny, smart, and surprisingly gentle. He loved us all, and we failed him. I failed him. I made him feel so guilty about killing my brother when it had all been an accident, and I'm the reason he killed Aston. Both deaths were my fault, and i couldn't stand to listen to anyone else blame themselves for it. "Quit it. Just shut up. Everyone!"

Bianca let go of my hand, turning to face me with anger in her eyes. "How dare you. This is all your fault anyways!"

Eli furrowed his eyebrows, "Bianca that's enough!"

"No she's right Eli. This is my fault, all of it. That's why I'm leaving the gang. I promised my brother I'd get revenge on all of you, but now that I have I don't think he'd be very proud of what I've done. I was consumed by hate, and I hurt all of you, and for that I'll forever be sorry. My promise for revenge caused me to lose another brother."

Eli desperately grabbed onto my arm, "Clare no, we know you didn't mean for this to happen. You can't leave us."

Sean stepped forward, wiping his eyes. "We already lost one family member, we can't afford to lose another. Eli's right, you can't leave us Clare. Now is the time for us all to stick together, not fall apart."

Bianca's eyes were full of sadness as she grabbed my hand. "I'm sorry for what I said, I'm just messed up ok? We love you lil C, and Vince loved you too. So much. This family is only going to make it if you stay, please stay."

As the tears ran down her cheeks, a part of me wanted to change my mind, but I couldn't. Vince's family was right, we'd all be in a coffin soon if we didn't leave this lifestyle. I pulled my hand out of hers, and Pryde Eli's hand off of my arm. "I wish nothing more than for you all to follow me, and leave behind the drugs and violence. I know that you're not all there yet, but that doesn't change that I love each of you so much. We'll always be family. I opened my arms, "A hug goodbye?" They all swarmed me, wrapping there's arms around me while crying.

When they pulled away I wiped away my tears, as Emma patted my back. "I'm proud of you Clare. Inform want you to go, but I'm proud of you."

I smiled, but it quickly turned into a frown as my eyes rested on Eli who stood a few feet away from us with a scowl on his face. Zig put his hand on my shoulder, "Go talk to him, and then run as fast as you can from this town." I kissed his cheek, and nodded.

I looked at Sean, silently wondering if he'd ever leave the gang. "So what's next?"

Sean kept a straight face, "We'll have to watch our backs, Aston's associates will be out for revenge. We started a war." My face fell in sadness. "That isn't for you to worry about anymore though, go talk to Eli. Do good Lil C." I gave him one last hug, and I knew in that moment he really would never leave.

I walked over to Eli, nervously speaking. "Go with me."

Eli shook his head. "We've discussed this, I'm not going anywhere. I can't, and if you go then we can't be together."

"Eli I love you, and I'm asking you to go with me. Leave this gang crap behind, be yourself, be anything but what you're choosing to be now!"

"What do you want me to be Clare!"

"With me Eli! Take my hand, and let's run as fast as we can out of here. Build a life with me, a real one, don't give your life away like Vince did. I'm begging you."

Eli wiped a tear from my cheek, while shaking his head. "I'm sorry Clare. That isn't what I want."

My lip quivered, "So it's the gang life, over me?"

Eli nodded, "I told you from the beginning, love doesn't exist in this lifestyle. Not really anyway." He left me standing there with my heart in my hands, alone in this world again.


	18. Chapter 18

**2 Years & 4 Days Later. **

"Agent Edwards, Matt would like to see you in his office."

I looked up at the new secretary Phyllis, and smiled. "Alright." I followed her out of my office, and then made my way to Matt's.

Before I could even knock on the door, it swung open. "Come in Agent Edwards."

I sat down in front of his desk, feeling nervous. He didn't usually ask me to his office this early in the morning. "Is everything ok?"

He stopped writing, and looked up from the stack of papers on his desk. "Can I start by telling you how proud I am of you?"

I was taken back by his statement, and began to blush in embarrassment. "I know you are, thank you for believing in me. Always."

Matt coughed to clear his throat, trying to keep a straight face. "You know, there was a time I didn't think you'd be here. I was almost convinced you'd be pregnant, living the life of a criminal...but here you are. You're a talented agent, who's made a name for herself in the FBI. Most importantly though? You're safe. I love you like a daughter, and I know I don't always show that, but I hope that you know it."

I now had to clear my throat as well, "Of course sir. You've taught me everything I know, and if it wasn't for you I would be in jail. Or worse."

Matt's face became more serious, and he sat up a little straighter, which made me worry. "Since the day I began training you I promised I'd never let anything hurt you, that's why it's paining me to say this...I know that we agreed to put your past life with that gang behind us, but something has come up."

My mind immediately flashed back to him. Eli's face appeared in my mind, along with the memories of a time where we were in love, before he broke my heart. My voice came out stronger, and louder than before. "What is it. Tell me now Matt, please."

He shook his head, "I'm sorry, but your friend Emma has died."

In that instance my heart broke, but I simply nodded. "We should send flowers. Thank you for informing me Matt. I have an interrogation I have to get to, I'll see you tomorrow."

As I walked towards the door Matt stood up running to block my exit. "Clare stop it, it's ok to be upset."

I laughed quietly, but coldly. "No need to worry, I am fine. That part of my life was long ago. May I go now?"

Matt stepped aside, opening the door for me. "When your brother died you turned your grief into anger, and you put a wall up. You shut yourself off from the world, don't do that again. Don't bury yourself in work, deal with what you're feeling."

I walked passed him without saying a word, but as I rounded the corner out of sight I allowed myself to fall to my knees. I dropped my face into my hands, dryly sobbing. No tears came out, but yet the pain I felt was great enough to compare to the pain my brothers death had caused me. After a few moments, I picked myself back up and dusted myself off. I hadn't even asked how she died, but I didn't want to know, because everything I could imagine made me sick. I wanted to run to the place I used to call home, and grieve with _them_ , but I made a decision a long time ago that the agency would be my life. I vowed to put criminals away, I couldn't mix the two lifestyles. Eli was right about that. I put Emma in the back of my mind, and I drove myself down to the police station. I had been asked to come do an interrogation on a repeat offender, who didn't crack easily. When I arrived at the station, many police officers shook my hand and informed me of what huge fans they were. "Agent Edwards it's such an honor to meet you." One officer exclaimed.

"Agents Edwards, d-did you really take d-down Arnold Diaz." One shuddered.

I nodded and smiled at all of them, but the attention truly got on my nerves. It was my job, I didn't want any special thanks. Officer Harvey walked me to the holding room so that I could question the suspect, but not before warning me. "This one if tough, even for you agent Edwards. Here's his file."

The file had top secret stamped on the front, and I raised an eye brow. "He's that important? Anyone I know?"

Officer Harvey chuckled, "Possibly, but I doubt it. This one doesn't live too close to this area, he's from Toronto. Actually thats where your old office used to be, before you relocated here. Isn't it?" I slowly nodded, trying to keep my thoughts off of Emma, off of all of them. "He was on his way to the United States to drop off a truck full of drugs. I mean a shit load."

I scrunched my face, "Then what's the problem? Why isn't he being charged?"

Officer Harvey scratched his head, "He wasn't technically found with the truck of drugs, he was apprehend at a pay phone near by. We know for a fact that the drugs were his though, it's too big of a coincidence. They've been trying to catch this guy for years, so we hope that you can make him crack. If not, we'll have to let him go, and that's something we just can't do."

I patted his back, "I have this. No worries."

With that I opened the door looking down at the file as I sat down, I began reading his previous offenses. "So Mr.-" I stopped mid sentence as I ran across his name. I dropped the file onto the table, slowly looking up. "Sean?"

He smirked at me with his arms crossed, "Well if it isn't my sister Clare. So this is where you've been hiding out?"

Wide eyed, I nervously responded. "I can't believe it's you."

He uncrossed his arms, while leaning his body over the table. "You look so different, so businessy. You even cut your hair short. You're a regular stick in the mud, and I'm glad. I'm proud of you." I stood up from the table, looking back to make sure the door was shut and then began to walk around to him, focusing on the sound of my heels against the floor so that I wouldn't think about all the rules I was about to break. When I reached Sean, his face softened. "Are you going to arrest me, Lil C?"

I was unfazed by his attempt at a joke, and I wrapped my arms around him. "I missed you, brother."

He slowly and hesitantly wrapped his arms around me too, "I missed you."

I pulled away wiping a tear from my eye, and walked back to my seat. "Sean, do you even know?" I whispered.

His face became so pained, and I regretted brining it up. Tears started to fall from his eyes. I had never seen him so weak, not even when Vince died. "I know."

"Tell me what happened, tell me everything. Please." I breathed

Sean sat up, wiping his face. "These last two years have been somewhat of a challenge. The gang's reputation has grown significantly since Vince shot Aston, which has is perks, but at the same time it's consequences. We didn't understand how much we were feared, until we started getting attacked. Bianca was jumped several times by Aston's minions, and our place was broken into frequently by them. So Zig burned the house down, and we relocated."

I reached my hand across the table to grab his, "Sean I'm sorry, I know what that place meant to you."

He shrugged, pulling his hand away. "My mother will always be in here." He put his hand on his chest. "The house, was just that, a house." He paused for a second before continuing, gathering his thoughts. "Anyways, things got better after that. Business ran smooth, and after graduation we all had a lot more time to focus on more important things."

I raised an eye brow. "Like?"

"Eliminating every last enemy associated with that bastard Aston. Not only for you, but Bianca and Vince. Sometime after graduation we began to receive threats again, and Eli and I decided it was time to let them know who they were dealing with."

I frowned, "What did you do?"

I looked down, and for a moment I thought he might have been ashamed. "We followed the new leader of Aston's gang, Rodger, home. We set his house on fire. His wife and child were in there, but we didn't know Clare. I swear." I kept quiet, unsure of what to say, so he continued. "They weren't hurt, but as you can imagine it still really pissed him off. A few weeks after that I left Zig In charge, because I had to travel to the U.S. I wanted to take Emma with me, but she didn't want to leave Bianca alone. So I gave in, I let her stay. I should have stayed, but I was so greedy. All I cared about was that I was going to be making more money than i ever had before in my life. I'm the reason Emma is gone. Me."

I wiped away a tear, "Sean, how?"

He looked up with Glossy eyes, "I called Eli on a pay phone the check on things, and he told me that in the middle of the night she had been kidnapped. He was hysterical, and I started screaming into the phone asking him what happened. He said they sent a video, of her tied up." Sean's words cracked, and he began to sob as he spoke. "They sent us a video of them killing her Clare! They showed no mercy, none!"

I ran around to the other side pulling him into my arms. "Sean it's ok. It's ok. They won't get away with this, I'll make sure of it. I swear to you."

He gently shrugged out of my arms. "How Clare, are you going to throw the book at them? That's not enough! Because she's gone! They have to suffer."

"Sean no, that won't do anything but create more violence."

His face turned hard. "Then arrest me Clare, because that's the only thing that's going to keep me from destroying them."

I walked back to my seat, and I made a decision, a decision that would erase all the hard work I had put in the last few years. "Sean, do you want to be at Emma's service? Do you want to see her again?" His lip quivered, and he nodded. "Then you and I are going to go. Then I'm going to help you destroy every last person who hurt our family."

Sean looked up, tears streaming down his face. "Why? No. No. This is your life now, you do things by the book. I don't want you sucked back into this."

I smiled, "If it was Eli, I'd want the same thing."

Sean winced. "It isn't El though."

I looked down, "It could be though, If we don't end this. It could be Zig or Bianca too, and we can't let that happen. Family does not abandon family. I won't abandon you guys." Sean just kept staring at me, unsure of what to say. I stood up, and wiped my face. "Sean sit up straight, and dry your eyes. If they ask, you didn't tell me a thing." Sean was about to question me, but I had already knocked on the door. "Come in."

Officer Harvey walked in, twirling his handcuffs around with a smug look on his face. "Can I book him?"

I put my hands behind my back, "Actually no. Not only could I not get him to crack, but I believe that this department has been mistaken. This man has just lost his girlfriend, and yet he sits here wrongfully accused."

Officer Harvey shook his head back and forth in disbelief. "Do you really think that? Agent Edwards I don't mean to question you, but this gang member was only blocks away from this truck. Who else would it belong to?"

I hardened my face. "Then don't question me officer. I don't know who it belonged to, but I suggest you find out. Now."

Officer Harvey nodded. "Yes ma'am."

He turned to leave, but I stopped him. "One more thing." He turned back to look at me. "I didn't quite catch the name of this gang, it wasn't in the file."

He scratched his head awkwardly, "Well there isn't a name, they don't have one. They've been know to refer to themselves as a family on occasion."

I raised an eye brow, "Thats quite ridiculous."

Officer Harvey laughed, "You're telling me."

I grinned, "I'll take care of this." He nodded and left. I looked back at Sean, when Harvey disappeared. "I'm sorry, I had to make it look real."

Sean half smiled, "It' fine. So, are you ready to see Eli again?"


	19. Chapter 19

They released Sean and we were now in my car ready to head back to Toronto, but before we left I had to tell Matt I was going. I was nervous, and afraid. All the hard work, all the promises, and I was leaving him again. I knew that this time, he may never forgive me. Sean turned down the radio, causing me to scrunch my face in annoyance. "Excuse you? Don't ever turn down the Classics." I stated.

He rolled his eyes. "What's wrong? If you're having second thoughts, then stay here. No one would blame you."

I pulled into the parking lot, and then slowly turned to face Sean. "I want to go back, yet I don't...or rather I shouldn't. I have so many things running through my head, it's all so much and I can't take it. The only thing I know for sure is that we lost Vince, and now Emma. I know that I need to be in Toronto, with all of you, but I am afraid."

Sean pulled his hoodie off of his head, "What are you scared of? Look me in the eyes, and be honest. Is it Eli?"

I bit my lip, hesitating before speaking. " Yes, and no. I should be scared that I'll ruin my career, or that I'll disappoint the man who is a father to me, but what I'm really scared of is not being wanted. I'm a top FBI agent, why would Eli or any of you guys want me around? If it had been anyone else in that interrogation room besides you I would have broke them into tiny pieces. I would have thrown them in jail, and shown no mercy. I am the enemy Sean. I'm not the same Clare I was before."

Sean stared at me, the building, and then back to me again. The corner of his lips slightly lifted, and he let a chuckle escape. "Shut up. You're so stupid for someone who is so smart." My mouth opened in awe. "Don't give me that look, dummy. This building, and this parking spot with your name on it, isn't you. Sure, you're a suit and tie, but you are still loyal to your family. You proved my point by saying that if it had been someone else, you would have thrown them in jail. You let me off the hook because I'm your brother, that's all that matters."

I opened my car door, and ran to the passenger side. Sean got out, and we both hugged each other. Hugging him made my brothers face appear in my mind, and for the first time I didn't feel guilty. I felt like my brother was watching me, and that he was happy I wasn't alone.. "Sean. Thank you."

He pulled away, playfully shoving me. "For what?"

"Being my brother."

His face softened, "It's not a choice, you can't pick your family."

I nodded, and began walking to the side door entrance. Flashing him a thankful grin. "Let's go."

"Clare." He called out.

I turned around. "Yes?"

He smiled, "You've always had a brother, you just have more now. He's proud of you, I know that much."

I felt a lump in my throat as I nodded, "Come on, we're wasting time. Dummy."

When we approached Matt's office, I looked at Sean in agony. "Oh my God, do you have to?"

Sean stood by the door hunched over, with his grey hoodie on over his head, and his hands in his pockets. "Are you embarrassed of me?" He laughed.

I rolled my eyes, and opened the door. We slowly walked in, and Matt didn't flinch. He kept his eyes on his paper work, "Clare back so soon? Did you get the bad guy?"

I crossed my arms, barley whispering. "Yeah, I caught him alright."

Matt laughed as he looked up from his paper work, running his hand through his jelled black hair. When his hazel eyes landed on Sean, he dropped his pen. "Who is that, Clare?" He questioned.

I shut the door, and then walked to his desk with sadness in my eyes. "It's Sean, my Sean." Sean smiled and waved, as Matt's face turned pale. Matt didn't know much about Sean besides that he was the leader of the family, and I knew Sean being near me infuriated him.

"No. Oh God no. Was he the bad guy?" I nodded ashamed. "Matt stood up, throwing his hands in the air. "How! Clare why? Why is he here! What did you do!" Matt's usually tan skin became red in anger. "Why am I even asking! It's obvious, you gave him a get of of jail free card!"

"I'm sorry!" I yelled in desperation. "I couldn't let him go to Jail, especially not with Emma's service being tomorrow! I had no choice." I sobbed. "Understand, please."

Sean took a step forward in a protective manner, causing Matt to lift his eyebrow. "Don't even think about it, homeboy." Sean looked away, controlling his anger for my sake. After a few awkward seconds of silence Matt's face softened, and he pulled me into a hug. "Clare I know this is hard, but you can't keep doing these illegal things and then expect to stay with the FBI. It doesn't work that way my darling."

My eyes widened, as I pulled away. "You're going to tell on me?"

Matt shook his head, "Tell on what? I can't tell what I don't know. Get out of here, and don't come back unless you've made a choice. A real one." His face was hard, and I could no longer see any sympathy left in his eyes. I didn't blame him. I gave him a thankful glance and then grabbed Sean's hand, pulling him out of the office. He didn't say a word to me, not on the way to the car, and not even on the way back to Toronto. He knew I needed to be alone with my thoughts, Sean was always good about leaving things alone when necessary.

 **Anon-Do you know that you're my favorite person? thank you for your support!**


	20. Chapter 20

"We're here." I whispered.

Sean nodded. "Yep. I guess it's time for us to face reality."

I grabbed his hand, "You can do this."

A tear ran down his cheek, "I did this, you know that's the worst part? I could have prevented this."

"Emma knew what she was doing Sean, she wouldn't have walked away even if you had asked her to. She loved you too much."

Sean pulled his hand away to wipe his tear away. "Enough of that for the moment, are you ok?"

It amazed me how quickly Sean could shut his emotions off, and I had wished more than anything that I could do the same. "I'm fine, I'm just nervous. Tell me what to do."

He shrugged. "I'm not sure Clare. He's refused to talk about you for two years. Anytime you were brought up he'd leave the room, it was just easier for him that way." My face fell in disappointment. "Clare you just have to go in, get it over with."

I nodded and we got out of the car and began walking up to the house. I was holding onto my brief case so tight that my fingers began to turn purple. The house was in the middle of the woods, for obvious reasons, but it was much nicer than the old house. Sean opened the green door, and as we walked in the first thing that caught my attention was Bianca. She sat on the couch with her knees to her chest, and tissues all around her. When our eyes met, it was like nothing had changed. She slowly stood up, walking towards me with her hands shaking. When she stopped in front of me, I winced. Bianca was always unpredictable, and I wasn't sure if she was angry. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and my fear vanished. "She's gone Clare." She cried.

I wrapped my arms around her, "I'm here now, it's ok B. It's ok."

Bianca slowly pulled away, walking towards Sean. "Oh baby, I'm so sorry." She sobbed.

Sean buried his head into the crook of her neck, and as he cried she rubbed his back. "She loved you so much. Never lose that."

They both broke apart a few minutes later as Zig entered the room. "You're both back." He blankly stated.

Sean walked over to him, briefly hugging him before pulling away. "How are you, kid?"

Zig nodded in his usually emotionless way. "I am fine, are you ok?" Sean looked away, causing Zig to frown. "I'm sorry brother. On a lighter note, how did you get out of jail?"

"Yeah, how did you my brother?" We all turned towards the front door, and it was him. My Eli. My knees began to shake, and my heart began to pace. Eli walked passed us onto the couch, and everyone else followed his lead sitting down, besides myself. Eli spoke to Sean who sat next to him, while playing with the bracelet on his wrist. "Who's the friend?"

Everyone's eyes widened, and Zig awkwardly laughed. "Are you stupid? It's Clare."

Eli's hand froze in place on his bracelet, and he slowly lifted his head. "Hi Eli." I breathed. Eli looked around the room, and then back to me. He stood up from the coach walking my way, and for a moment I thought he was going to hug me, and tell me he missed, but he only walked passed me and out the door again.

Bianca stood up, clenching her fists. "That ass hole. I can't take it anymore Sean!"

Sean shook his head, "B stop it."

"No!" She yelled. "Emma is gone! She's gone, and he's going to act like this? Ever since Clare left he's been an ass hole, but of all times to get his shit together, you'd think it would be now. He hardly said two sentences to you, and he just walked out!"

Sean rolled his eyes. "Bianca, everyone deals with things in their own way. I don't need Eli to hold my hand through this, alright? Let him be, he'll come around."

Bianca sat back down angrily, turning her attention to me. "Clare what are you wearing? It's hideous." She spat. That was the Bianca I knew. I wanted to go back and forth with her like normal, but my body and mind were frozen in place. Two years, I hadn't see him in two years, and he just walked passed me.

Sean picked up a picture of Emma from the coffee table, and held it to his chest. "Clare." He whispered. "Go."

"What?" I choked out.

"Go." He demanded. "Go to him."

I frowned, "No, he doesn't want me to." I could see Zig and Bianca rolling there eyes in the corner of my eye.

Sean set the picture back down. "Go now. Go because he's still alive. We don't all have the chance that you have right now. Don't waste it."

Bianca moved over to the couch Sean was on, and began to wipe his tears away reminding me of a mother. She nodded while consoling Sean, "He's right sister, go."

I dropped my brief case, and ran out of the front door. I began running while trying to pull my heels off at the same time. I got one off as I began getting deeper into the woods. I began hopping while running trying to pull the other one off and only ended up falling. Frustrated I yanked my shoe off and through it at a tree. I didn't even know where I had been planning on going, I just knew that I had to find him. I needed him to explain to me why he let me go, I needed the sun to stop setting, and I needed to get out of my stupid skirt. I put my head in my hands, sighing in frustration. "What did the shoe ever do to you, agent Edwards?"

I looked up, "Eli?"

"In the flesh."

I stood up, dusting myself off. "I'm sure this is hilarious to you." I mumbled.

Eli took a step closer so that we were face to face. "Why are you back?" He coldly asked.

"Emma." I whispered.

Eli winced. He was more affected by her death than he let on. "Will you leave after the funeral tomorrow?" He questioned in a mater of fact tone.

I took a step back, "Why are you being so cold towards me? What did I do Eli? Did you ever love me, at all? Truthfully, did you mean what you said the day of Vince's funeral?"

I thought I saw a glimpse of sympathy in his eyes but if I had, it quickly disappeared. "Why are you bringing such silly things up? Does the new Clare use the dead to get what she wants?" I shook my head with tears threatening to fall, and turned around. I began to slowly walk away, trying to keep my dignity. "Clare." I turned back around. "You're going the wrong way."

"No I'm not." I almost growled.

I turned back around to begin walking again, but I was quickly spun back around by Eli. "Our enemies are out to get us more than ever, Emma should be a prime example of that. You can't go that deep into the forest alone."

I yanked my arm out out of Eli's grasp. "Why do you care?"

Eli's face finally softened, if only for a moment. "You know that Sean would kill me if something happened to you." I sat down on a tree stump in defeat. Eli sat down beside me, crossing his legs. "So. Curly short hair, blazers, and skirts down the your knees, that's a change."

I squinted my eyes in anger, "Go fuck yourself Eli."

He was taken back by my tone, but he quickly recovered. "I didn't mean it in a bad way. I like you much better this way."

My eyes began to water, "Elijah please stop this." I cried. "Tell me what happened. Did I really mean nothing? Have I spent everyday dreaming of seeing you again, for nothing?"

Eli tilted his head staring at me blankly, "You're so beautiful." He whispered. He got on one knew so that our faces were level with each other, and he tucked a hair behind my ear causing me to think he was going to kiss me. "You shouldn't have come back, go back home after tomorrow. Play defective, and stick to what you're good at." My heart was stomped on for a second time, and Eli walked away from me once again.


	21. Chapter 21

The funeral was dry, that's the only way you could describe it. There were no tears, no sounds, just empty people sitting beside each other. Sean sat in front of Emma's casket, with blood shot eyes the entire time. He wouldn't speak, he wouldn't eat, he just sat there like a zombie. I wanted to shake him and break him of his trance, but I knew it would be pointless to try. Sean would never be the same again, and nothing could change that. When the funeral was over, we all stood in front of her headstone waiting for Sean to speak, waiting for him to tell us what was next. Like he always did. When he didn't say anything Zig sat down, while loosening his tie. "So, what's next captain?" He whispered.

We all stared at Sean, waiting in anticipation, and for the first time that day he spoke. "Nothing right now. I don't know, I just know that we are in no shape to go after anyone right now." His words were barren, and it was painful to listen to him speak that way.

I took a step forward and stood beside Him, leaning my head against his shoulder. "We'll do whatever it takes to avenge her death." I whispered.

Sean moved away from me and sat down on the grass beside Zig, crossing his legs. He sat there for a few minutes before speaking again, leaving us to wonder what was going on his mind, rather his soul. Just as my thoughts began to eat away at me, he spoke again. "I've been doing a lot of thinking today, and I just think that maybe it's best if we don't do anything at all. Not just about this, but anything, I think it's time to end things."

Bianca squinted her eyes in confusion, looking down at Sean. "What are you saying? No. That's not an option brother. Pull yourself together, if not for yourself then for her!" Bianca's eyes were full of confusion and anger and we all cringed at how Sean would react to her outburst.

Zig and Sean both stood up at the same time, and began dusting themselves off. When Sean looked at Bianca his eyes were soft, and I could of sworn I almost saw the corner of his mouth pull up into a smirk. "I'm not saying that I don't want revenge, but I'm saying that I have to do it alone. Look at us guys, just look around for one tiny second." Sean was half talking to himself, and his hands were shaking. "We're slowly dying off, who's next? I can't stand to see any of you die anymore, I just can't." Instead of looking around we all looked down at the floor, because we knew his words were true.

Bianca began to cry and grabbed onto Sean's wrists causing all of us to snap our heads back up. "This is more than a gang, this is a family, the only family I've ever known. Don't break it apart, please!"

Sean gently pulled his wrists from her hands. "This doesn't mean we aren't family, we will always be a family, but it has to stop Bianca." Sean's words cracked, along with Bianca's heart.

She took a step back shaking her head in disbelief. Eli stood beside her and wrapped an arm around her, letting her cry into his chest. In my own way, I felt the same loss Bianca was feeling. This really was the only family that we had, all of us. "Sean, will you really not let us help you?" I asked quietly.

Sean hesitated before answering me, but he eventually spoke with determination echoing in his voice. "I can't. I'm going to sell the house, it's the first step to everyone moving on from this life, from this poison that we all have allowed ourselves to wallow in. It's what Emma would have wanted, it's what I should have done long ago." At the mention of her name, his eyes clouded over and he was once again hollow.

My eyes began to sting, and warm tears fell from my eyes. "So this is where it ends?" I breathed.

Sean nodded and pulled me into a hug, "The rest of you come here." He commanded. We all huddled together, as it began to rain. We stayed that way for several minutes, before Sean pulled away. For a few more hours we all stood there, joking and laughing about old times, but as the sky began to darken one by one everyone left until it was just me by myself. I sat there for hours, staring at the stars and talking to her. I was happy that the cycle of violence was ending, but I was worried about Sean going after anyone by himself. I needed her to speak back to me, but the only response I got back was silence. She would know what to do, she was Emma Nelson. _Was_. I curled my fingers into fists, and my mind wandered to Eli. I needed him so bad that I could feel a literal ache in my chest. The more I wished for him to hold me and make it all go away, the angrier I became. As the rain began to cease I briefly wished he were dead, or that I had never met Eli Goldsworthy at all, but I immediately regretted the thought.

"Clare Edwards?" I stood up, and took a step back. The man in front of me was pale with dark black hair, and blue eyes. He wore blue jeans and a black collar shirt, with a wide grin on his face.

"That's me." I responded firmly.

"The famous FBI agent Clare Edwards?" He asked, as he took a step forward.

I crossed my arms, "Who wants to know?" I replied less firmly.

He smirked, "My name is Josh. I was just wandering around, you know, clearing my head. Then, I happened to see you standing here all alone. You know it's dangerous to be out alone at night, right?"

His tone suggested that he hadn't accidentally found me, and my instincts started to kick in. I walked forward so that we were only inches apart. "Who the hell exactly are you josh, and what do you want from me." I spat.

He towered over me, with a menacing look on his face. "Watch it there, don't get too feisty now. We wouldn't want for you to end up like your good friend Emma here, would we?" His eyes were full of fire, and I could see a deep hatred for me in his eyes that I couldn't understand.

"How do you know Emma?" I shakily asked. I had been around numerous criminals, but something about the man before me made me weak. I became flustered, and he smirked noticing my uncomfortableness.

We both slightly turned our heads, as the sound of footsteps crunching against the wet grass grew closer. After a few seconds I could see that the man walking towards us was Eli.

"Is there a problem?" He questioned angrily as water droplets dripped down from his hair.

Josh stepped away from me, sliding his hands into his pockets and smiled warmly at Eli. "No my friend, I was just making sure this beauty was ok." He chuckled. "Actually I was just trying to tell her that it's very, very dangerous to be out alone at night." His eyes averted back to me. "Maybe you could explain that to her, I didn't quite get through to her. Anyway. Since you're here now, I shall be on my way." As he began to walk away Eli, who had been a good few feet from us, made his way in front of Josh. He quickly pinned him up against a tree, grabbing him by his shirt collar. This only seemed to amuse Josh further, and his smile grew. "Excuse me kind sir, have I somehow upset you?"

A growling noise escaped Eli's throat, and I ran to his his side. "Eli stop it."

Eli ignored me, keeping his eyes on Josh. "Don't come near her again, do you hear me? You're apart of Astons gang, I'm not stupid."

Josh raised an eye brow, "Ah, that name doesn't ring a bell. I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone else."

Eli pushed Josh back into the tree with greater force, and his eyes became wild with rage. "I'll kill you if you so much as look at her again. I'll kill you!" He growled.

I grabbed Eli's arm, and began to tug at it with as much strength as I could. "Eli let go, please. Let's just go! Please." I cried.

Eli turned his head to look at me, and when our eyes met, his slowly began to return to normal. He released Josh, and took a step back. Josh dusted himself off, "Well, that was interesting. Good day you two." As he was walking away he slightly turned his head back, "oh and agent Edwards, don't forget what I said."

Eli and I stood side by side, until Josh was out of sight. I began to shiver, weather it was because I was cold from being soaked, or from being scared I couldn't tell. "What is wrong with you, are you stupid?" Eli asked.

My eyes widened in shock, "What?"

Eli crossed his arms, and the rain began to drizzle again. "Why would you be out here alone like this? Especially during a time like this, do you want to die?" Eli's words were full of angst, and I began to start shaking more.

"I can take care of myself." I shivered.

Eli's eyes softened, and he began to pull off his black coat. "Here." He put it over me, and began to drag me to his car. I angrily pulled away from his grasp. "Clare what are you doing? It's raining, let me take you home. Don't be stupid."

I threw his jacket on the floor, and the rain began to pour so hard I had to scream for him to hear me. "Stupid? You are the stupid one, you are so stupid Eli! Why! Why did you let me go! And why, why do you keep pushing me away still!"

Eli put his hands on top of his head, "Clare this is insane! Get in the car please!"

"No!" I screamed. "Not until you tell me why you don't love me anymore!" I was sobbing at this point, and I could feel my knees become weak."

Eli ran up to me, so that our faces were only inches apart. "I don't love you because I hate you! I hate you so much, for making me love you!" Eli's chest began to heave. "I have been in agony for the last two years, because of you! Everyday without you has been my own personal dose of hell Clare!"

"I don't understand!" I cried.

Eli wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my body to his, crashing his lips to mine. I kissed him back with desperation, trying to soak up every second I could. I ran my hand through his hair, trying to pull him closer to me, but all too soon, he pulled away while keeping my face between his hands. "I hate you because of this. I am so weak around you I can't stand it. Clare, seeing that man standing over you, with that look in his eyes, it scared me more than anything has ever scared me in my life. I let you go the day of Vince's funeral because I never wanted to be in the exact position Sean is in now. I wanted you to live a normal life, a life I couldn't give you. As long as you were safe, I could live, but I couldn't if something happened to you."

I squinted my eyes in desperation. "Then come with me Eli. Listen to Sean, and leave everything here behind. You have choices, you don't have to stay here. That man, he knew me somehow. He was watching me, I have no doubt. It's dangerous here, we can go away. Please."

Eli dropped his hands from my face, while shaking his head. "Then what Clare? This is all I know now, I can't just go back to a normal life. I can't." I could see Eli wrestling with his own self, and it gave me hope that I could get through to him.

I gently pressed my lips to his for a brief second, "Eli you can do anything, even if you don't know it, I do."

Eli sighed, while resting his forehead against mine. "So we're doing this, we're going to be normal people now?"

I laughed. "We're going to be sick people if we don't get out of this rain."

Eli wrapped his arm around me, and we began to walk towards his car. He kissed the side of my head, whispering into my ear. "I love you Clare."

 **I really like the symbolism that this story sort of has. It's nothing I did on purpose, but I think it's really cool how the Emma/Sean relationship parallels with the Clare/Eli one. They were both the stand out couple for their generation on the show, and obviously Sean and Emma didn't work out, compared to Eli and Clare who did. So Emma dying sort of is symbolic of that. That may make no sense, but I was watching an interview with "Sean" and it had me thinking LOL.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Eli's pov**

"I'm proud of you Eli, I want you to know that." Sean stood before me as I packed my things into my suitcase, and I searched his eyes for some sign of life, but they were empty.

I looked down at the floor, looking for the strength to speak. "Well I'm not proud of myself, I shouldn't be leaving you." I whispered.

Sean crossed his arms, taking a moment to think before he spoke. "I wasn't man enough to do what you're doing right now, I wasn't man enough to walk away from this lifestyle that ultimately killed the love of my life. Eli if I had packed my things, and taken Emma away, she'd be here. She didn't have to die, but she did...and that will forever be on me. You still have a chance to keep Clare safe, don't spend your time worrying about me, because weather you're here or not I'm alone now and I always will be."

I stood from my bed so that I was standing face to face with him, and when our eyes met I couldn't find it in my heart to argue with him. I wanted to assure him that it would get better, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it because I knew if I ever lost Clare like that, I'd never get better. I wrapped my arms around him, and he returned my embrace. "I will always be your brother Sean."

"And I will always be yours." Sean cried.

 **15 years later.**

 **Clare's pov**

"Mom! Mom! Can I go outside now, please?!"

I smiled at my daughter, as I smoothed her jet black hair. "Yes Emma, just let me fix your crown." She rolled her eyes as I fixed her crown, reminding me of her father. "Emma quit it, just because you're double digits now doesn't mean you get to start acting like a brat." I scolded. "What's the rush anyways?"

Emma smiled. "Dad said uncle Sean is supposed to be coming, and I wanna be outside when he gets here."

I finished straightening out her crown, and walked towards the door with her hand in mine. "Well, I'm glad you're excited baby. You only turn 10 once, and you know uncle Sean wouldn't miss that for the world." As soon as I opened the back door Emma let go of my hand, and began running in her pink princess dress. Somehow she knew Sean was already there, it never failed to amaze me how connected they were. When Emma was born, Sean was the first to hold her, besides Eli and I. The moment he held her, the light that had been missing in his eyes since he lost his Emma returned. We made Sean her God father, and ever since they were attached at the hip. He never missed one of her games, plays, or any holidays. He loved her more than anything.

Sean picked her up into his arms, squeezing her tight. "My princess! Happy birthday kid, how does it feel to be the big ten o?"

Emma smiled. "Really cool uncle Sean, do you think I'm big enough to go spend the nights white you now? We could play games all night, and even have tea parties."

Sean looked to me, and then back to Emma with a frown on his face. "Baby I don't think that's a good idea right now, but you know anytime you miss me I'll drive here to see you, no questions asked." Emma's smile faded and she wiggled out of Sean's arms. He bent down on one knee and pulled out a long jewelry box. "Hey, no being sad on your birthday. This is for you, maybe it will make you feel better." He smirked.

Emma's eyes slightly widened as she took the box from Sean. As her eyes examined her present she slowly began to smile again. "It's mine?"

"Anything you want is yours Emma." Sean took the bracelet and put it on her wrist. "This used to be your aunt Emma's, so I want you to take very good care of this for me."

Emma smiled as she kissed Sean on the cheek. "I will."

"Emma leave your uncle alone and go play with your friends." Eli laughed, as he walked towards us.

Emma rolled her eyes. "Ok daddy."

She ran off to play as Sean stood up, and Eli then embraced him. "My brother, how are things?"

Sean smiled, "They've been really calm, especially since Bianca and Zig moved out."

I laughed, "I still can't believe they got married."

Eli grabbed my hand, still facing Sean. "So Emma was excited to see you? She hasn't seen you since the wedding."

Sean frowned, "Yes, but she asked to stay over again. I hate that I have to keep telling her no, and without any explanation."

Eli looked down at the ground, and then back at Sean. "I'm sorry Sean, but we can't exactly tell her that you're involved in criminal activities. She wouldn't understand, and then she'd have questions for me and Clare. We don't want her to know we were ever involved in any of that."

Sean's faced hardened. "I can't get out of the lifestyle until someone pays for taking my Emma from me, but staying in it makes me a bad Uncle."

I looked at Sean, and my heart sunk. "Brother you aren't, we understand your reasons, it's just that it's been 15 years with no trace of anyone who was involved with Aston."

Sean shook his head in frustration. "That doesn't mean anything, they didn't all just disappear! They are somewhere, and I will find them Clare. I swear!" Sean's face was red, and his breathing heavy.

Eli let go of my hand, and put it on Sean's shoulder. "Remember this is Emma's birthday party, calm down brother." Eli's words were calm, but his tone was serious.

Sean squinted his eyes in pain, "I know." He whimpered. "I'm sorry, it's just been so long. What if I never find them?"

Eli smiled. "Then so what? Emma wouldn't want you to spend your life looking fro those low life's." Eli hesitated before speaking again. "Come on, help me set up pin the tail on the princess?"

Sean weakly smiled, "I really don't want to, but you know i would do anything for my princess."

Eli nodded. "I know brother."

The three of us began to walk over to the kids playing, and after 20 minutes of pin the tail on the princess we were exhausted. We watched the kids playing, and the other adults talk as the sun set. "You know maybe it's time I get out." Sean whispered.

"Really?" Eli croaked, trying to hide his excitement.

Sean chuckled. "Yeah. It's what my Emma would want, and besides I think it's time I moved. Living so far from you guys and Emma is hard." I looked at Sean and Eli, unable to contain my excitement. Just as I was about to hug them both, Sean's phone rang. "Hold on guys, one second." Sean answered the phone, and his mouth slowly began to form into a hard line. "Who the fuck is this! Fucking tell me now!"

Eli's eyes widened in anger. "Sean not here, you're not going to cause a scene at my daughters birthday party!"

Sean ignored Eli and began looking around frantically amongst the kids and parents. "Emma! Where have you taken my Emma!" He screamed into the phone.

Eli's face turned pale and he began running around screaming for Emma as well.

I simply fell to my knees, because I knew in my soul that the past was finally catching up to us.

 **So guys I've been gone for months, because my life has gotten CRAZY. Y'all have no idea how hard things have been, but don't worry I won't leave my stories unfinished. I promise. I love you guys so much. I'm sorry this took so long, and also that this chapter isn't very detailed...or good for that matter. :/ I just didn't want to leave you guys hanging. The next one will be better, love Rie.**


End file.
